Back when I was first struggling with my feelings for men, I wanted to find a friend who, to paraphrase the great George Eliot, could “be all to me.” As I opened up a little to gay classmates in college, some dismissed my notion of an enduring romantic relationship as an “idealized fantasy.” Others called it a “media image.” They told me that sex was great and I should just come out and have fun.

In the 1980s, most gay people (or so it then seemed to me) didn’t talk about relationships. Many activists saw the notion of a monogamous gay couple as a strained imitation of a patriarchal pattern. Gays were going to break free of societal constraints on sexual expression. Everyone seemed to agree with André Gide‘s statement: “Families, I hate you.” I couldn’t belong to this world. I stayed “in the closet.”

It wasn’t just the gay culture that which frowned upon couples. Few social (or political) institutions recognized our unions.

And this barely two decades ago.

When we look at Connecticut’s recognition of same-sex civil unions in this context, we see how huge it is. Yes, many municipalities, universities and private employers, including 200 Fortune 500 companies, offer domestic partnership benefits. Yes, many religious denominations celebrate gay unions, with Reform Judaism recognizing gay marriage.

But, until yesterday, no elected state legislature, without having been forced by the courts, passed a bill recognizing same-sex civil unions. When the state’s democratically elected Republican governor (albeit elected Lieutenant Governor, but who assumed her current position in accordance with the state Constitution when her predecessor resigned) signed the legislation, the bill became law. Now, the whole nation is watching.

Alas, that so many gay organizations have focused on getting gay marriage through the courts, even as an overwhelmingly majority of Americans oppose calling same-sex unions marriage. They thus don’t fully recognize the significance of an elected legislature recognizing gay couples. As of this writing, there is nothing on the web-site or HRC or NGLTF to acknowledge what happened yesterday in Connecticut.
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Today, I inaugurate a new topic in which I will attempt to link my passion for mythology with the real world, today (Wednesday, April 20) showing how a myth helped me better understand my unusual day. In my previous post, I noted that I had not checked the news regularly. For some reason, I couldn’t focus. Only, later, in the day, did I realize that I was learning the lesson that the Theban king, Pentheus, learned just before his demise.

Pentheus, you see, refused to honor Dionysus, the god of, among other things, wine and ecstasy. In the end, as we shall see, the god punished him severely for this dishonor. I had planned today to do, as I have done for the past few days (including the weekend) and read for my classes, then write, either for myself or this blog. I would be very productive and focus on rational endeavors.

And the day began according to plan. I woke early, took my car to the mechanic for its oil change and “checkup,” then walked to a nearby Starbucks to get my morning coffee where I read for my classes and reviewed two print-outs, one Gallup’s analysis of its recent poll on attitudes toward gay marriage, the other, a long post from Jane Galt’s blog on gay marriage. (More on both anon.)

When I learned that the work on my car would take longer than I had anticipated, I walked home, fully intending to work as hard today as I had these past few days. But, back here (at my place), I couldn’t focus. I kept trying to be practical and saying I needed to write, but gave up and ended up being idle. In short, I wasted part of the day.

Finally, just after my mechanic called to say the car was ready, I rushed out to get my car and, for some reason, decided to enjoy my walk. I would challenge myself to see if I could make the light at each crosswalk, no matter how far away I was (when the light turned green). I didn’t care if people thought I looked silly running (in my street clothes). I wanted to make this long walk — on a dull street — fun. I began to feel better.
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