GayPatriot

The Internet home for American gay conservatives.

Democrat, Republican or Southern Republican?

by

This is an email that is making the rounds. Thanks to The Party Crasher for sending it along to me!

***************

Are you a Democrat, Republican or Southern Republican?

Here is a little test that will help you decide.

Question: How do you tell the difference between Democrats, Republicans And Southern Republicans? The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a Glock cal .40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

What do you do?

“””””””””””””””””””

Democrat’s Answer:

Well, that’s not enough information to answer the question!

Does the man look poor! Or oppressed?

Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

Could we run away?

What does my wife think?

What about the kids?

Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?

What does the law say about this situation?

Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?

Is it possible he’d be happy with just killing me?

Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?

If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?

Should I call 9-1-1?

Why is this street so deserted?

We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.

This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for few days and try to come to a consensus.

“””””””””””””””””””””

Republican’s Answer:

BANG!

“””””””””””””””””””””

Southern Republican’s Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click…..(sounds of reloading).

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click

Daughter: “Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?”

*****************

-Bruce (GayPatriot)

Comments

  6. Actually, that should be;

    BANG! BANG! THUD…CLATTER, CLATTER **calm footsteps** BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! **sounds of reloading**, “Mother F**king A**hole”.

    (Civilian Glocks ONLY carry 10-rounds, courtesy of the US Guv’ment. And he might have friends.))

  11. The Democrat would be smart enough to realize the “terrorist” was an illegal immigrant hired by the Republicans for $1 (which they “forgot” to report on their taxes) with a plastic knife and a costume rigged up from an old Ronald Reagan western.

    His kids would wrestle the guy to the ground while the Democrat would call the authorities to expose the lie. The administration would then begin a secret smear campaign against him alleging he couldn’t have known if the immigrant was an actor or not thereby endangering the lives of millions of innocent Americans. The Democrat’s wife would be exposed as an undercover border patrol agent. A special investigator would be called up. Several senior Republicans would be indicted and go to jail.

  12. #11, that was too many words for too obvious a talking point.

    #9 The father-daughter sex would be filmed by the Democrat and put on public display with slavish adoration from the art critics in every major city and then call everone who disagreed with it a fascist.

  15. Very revealing. Let’s summarize: Basically you think that patience, sympathy, introspection, consideration of multiple options/points of view, respect for law, consideration of potential unintended consequences, and the viewing of single incidents in the context of larger problems is something to be mocked. The so-called “Democrat” response does not strike me as partisan so much as it strikes me as a Gospel-based Christian response.

  18. Wow…. nothing makes this NorthEastern Gay Boy feel more secure than a trigger-happy, inbred, home-schooled Southener… throw in a prayer meeting, a box of wine, and a darkie who stepped out of line and the picture is complete! Woo Hoo…. and Monster Trucks and NASCAR on holidays!

  19. Let’s see…. how would a typical Republican handle this…. lie about the incident, tell FOXNEWS how to report it, change the alert level to orange, then make someone else or someone else’s kids shoot him… and if there is any investigation, blame a CIA agent…..

  21. More proof… as if any were needed… that leftists have no sense of humor.

    And given this:

    Basically you think that patience, sympathy, introspection, consideration of multiple options/points of view, respect for law, consideration of potential unintended consequences, and the viewing of single incidents in the context of larger problems is something to be mocked

    not much between the ears, either.

  22. Reminds me of a discussion I participated in when I was a welfare worker in Nevada. The discussion was based on the principle that you could only shoot an intruder if they were in you home and the joke-what is the hardest thing about killing an intruder in your home? (Answer: pulling the body through the window.) The someone turned to me and asked what I would do? I said I would follow him home and kill his family. Silence.

    It’s a Serbian thing.

  24. Well, didn’t the Republican sell the knife to the terrorist in the first place, while at the same time selling knives, brokered by their Jewish friend, to a second Islamic terrorist who is at war with the first terrorist, and when the first terrorist uses chemical weapons against the second terrorist, didn’t the Republican administration block the security council from imposing sanctions on the first terrorist? Just wondering!

  26. #23

    How many liberals would it take to pass legislation to raise taxes, then appropriate billions just to pay for the light bulb, then buy a $1 lightbulb, pocket the rest of the cash and say it was all Bush’s fault?

    #25

    No, it was lord BJ’s buddy Mark Rich who sold the knife to the terrorists and to prove just how much BJ gives a damn about terrorism, he pardons Rich in exchange for a nice contribution to the BJ Clinton “Presidential” Library & Massage Parlor.

  28. Basically you think that patience, sympathy, introspection, consideration of multiple options/points of view, respect for law, consideration of potential unintended consequences, and the viewing of single incidents in the context of larger problems is something to be mocked.

    Those are all nice when you have time. But when you don’t, as is the case in this scenario, your inaction will kill your family.

    The problem with Democrats like you, Andy, is that ” patience, sympathy, introspection, consideration of multiple options/points of view, respect for law, consideration of potential unintended consequences, and the viewing of single incidents in the context of larger problems ” have nothing to do with fixing the problem, but with finding excuses not to act.

  31. I can not believe 400 years of blood, sweat and tears advancing Western liberalism is being pissed away by the very Liberals who attained their freedom by those who gave their blood fighting for liberalism.

    Twenty years from now when Islamists are publically hanging American gay children in the public square, remember it will be cowardly narcissitic Liberalism which pissed way America’s ability to defend Liberty.

  33. Anyone else see a pattern to the comments on this thread?

    A Conservative addresses a problem forcefully and directly. Then, a bunch of liberals come in to whine, throw insults, and construct conspiracy theories.

  34. Twenty years from now when Islamists are publicly hanging American gay children in the public square, remember it will be cowardly narcissistic Liberalism which pissed way America’s ability to defend Liberty.
    Comment by syn
    =========================
    In order for that to be remotely possible fundamentalist Christian Republicans would have to merge with fundamentalist Moslem Republicans and revocate current laws and create far more draconian laws to replace them.

    That is one reason I post here as it won’t be coming from the liberal end of the spectrum.

    Which brings up my old saw, is there any gay positive initiative that the conservatives or Republicans endorse?

  35. You have a reason for posting here? Amazing!

    Because there hasn’t been any positive (much less rational or consistent) philosophy or plan to your posts. You’re all carping, all the time.

  37. Amidst all your disparaging remarks about “typical liberals,” all I can see is that you can only respond to thoughtful contributions with insults and mockery, and have no intelligent response of your own. If I were in the situation described in this joke, I would stop, smile, and extend my hand in friendship. I guarantee it would work.

  39. Sure Chandler – My reason for reading and posting here on GP is three-fold:

    – Entertainment
    – Advance a philosophy of reason, individualism, achievement and freedom; which often involves countering the canards, delusions and hatefulness of far leftist posters such as yourself.
    – Express my moral approval of the War on Terror, including the war in Iraq.

    Now what are your reasons for reading and posting here? (I’ll bet they aren’t positive, when we get down to it.)

  40. Maybe his reason for posting is to just see how much you guys spew in return… to the untrained reader this site is almost a parody…. c’mon… quoting Michelle Malkin and Bill O’Reilly… even the less intelligent (i.e. your base) don’t buy this crap anymore… so there Catastrophic, good luck with your support on the war on terror…. Iraq just bitch slapped us…. they want us out… or is that just typical “liberal” media spin?

  41. Clararato,

    It is all about being entertained.

    And when someone like you begins a sentance with the phrase, “Express my moral approval”, I get all giggly because I have met my goal.