GayPatriot

The Internet home for American gay conservatives.

Powered by Genesis

Democrat, Republican or Southern Republican?

November 21, 2005 by Bruce Carroll

This is an email that is making the rounds. Thanks to The Party Crasher for sending it along to me!

***************

Are you a Democrat, Republican or Southern Republican?

Here is a little test that will help you decide.

Question: How do you tell the difference between Democrats, Republicans And Southern Republicans? The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a Glock cal .40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

What do you do?

“””””””””””””””””””

Democrat’s Answer:

Well, that’s not enough information to answer the question!

Does the man look poor! Or oppressed?

Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

Could we run away?

What does my wife think?

What about the kids?

Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?

What does the law say about this situation?

Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?

Is it possible he’d be happy with just killing me?

Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?

If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?

Should I call 9-1-1?

Why is this street so deserted?

We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.

This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for few days and try to come to a consensus.

“””””””””””””””””””””

Republican’s Answer:

BANG!

“””””””””””””””””””””

Southern Republican’s Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click…..(sounds of reloading).

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click

Daughter: “Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?”

*****************

-Bruce (GayPatriot)

Filed Under: War On Terror

Comments

  1. Calarato says

    November 21, 2005 at 7:43 am - November 21, 2005

    LOL

  2. V the K says

    November 21, 2005 at 7:45 am - November 21, 2005

    I love that joke.

  3. Right in Florida says

    November 21, 2005 at 9:22 am - November 21, 2005

    That is a funny joke. Being southern Republican, it also has the stong element of truth. To be fair, the same is true of most southern Democrats I know.

  4. Calarato says

    November 21, 2005 at 9:29 am - November 21, 2005

    Yeah – sensible and patriotic Democrats – there are a ton out there for sure – but if only they still ran the party! (sigh)

  5. josh davenport says

    November 21, 2005 at 10:12 am - November 21, 2005

    LMAO

  6. Ted B. says

    November 21, 2005 at 11:33 am - November 21, 2005

    Actually, that should be;

    BANG! BANG! THUD…CLATTER, CLATTER **calm footsteps** BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! **sounds of reloading**, “Mother F**king A**hole”.

    (Civilian Glocks ONLY carry 10-rounds, courtesy of the US Guv’ment. And he might have friends.))

  7. Red says

    November 21, 2005 at 11:43 am - November 21, 2005

    LOL. I’m so stealing this.

  8. sonicfrog says

    November 21, 2005 at 12:01 pm - November 21, 2005

    There is an error in the scenario. As you very well know, a Democrat, especially in San Francisco , would not, could not have a gun, period.

  9. Oops I did it again says

    November 21, 2005 at 12:18 pm - November 21, 2005

    Southern Republican Daughter: Nice Grouping Daddy! Now we can go home and play with that “other” gun you like to fire that spits milk!

  10. ThatGayConservative says

    November 21, 2005 at 1:01 pm - November 21, 2005

    #9

    Applying your experience to everyone else?

  11. Republicans Are says

    November 21, 2005 at 1:46 pm - November 21, 2005

    The Democrat would be smart enough to realize the “terrorist” was an illegal immigrant hired by the Republicans for $1 (which they “forgot” to report on their taxes) with a plastic knife and a costume rigged up from an old Ronald Reagan western.

    His kids would wrestle the guy to the ground while the Democrat would call the authorities to expose the lie. The administration would then begin a secret smear campaign against him alleging he couldn’t have known if the immigrant was an actor or not thereby endangering the lives of millions of innocent Americans. The Democrat’s wife would be exposed as an undercover border patrol agent. A special investigator would be called up. Several senior Republicans would be indicted and go to jail.

  12. VinceTN says

    November 21, 2005 at 2:02 pm - November 21, 2005

    #11, that was too many words for too obvious a talking point.

    #9 The father-daughter sex would be filmed by the Democrat and put on public display with slavish adoration from the art critics in every major city and then call everone who disagreed with it a fascist.

  13. Jeff says

    November 21, 2005 at 4:07 pm - November 21, 2005

    Considering that pretty much everyone, Democrat or Republican, supported the war in Afghanistan, I don’t really get the joke.

  14. rightwingprof says

    November 21, 2005 at 4:53 pm - November 21, 2005

    (Civilian Glocks ONLY carry 10-rounds, courtesy of the US Guv’ment.

    Dude, I don’t know where you’ve been, but the AWB is dead. Go to gunbroker.com and search on “glock magazine”

    I have several 18-rd magazines.

  15. Andy says

    November 21, 2005 at 5:00 pm - November 21, 2005

    Very revealing. Let’s summarize: Basically you think that patience, sympathy, introspection, consideration of multiple options/points of view, respect for law, consideration of potential unintended consequences, and the viewing of single incidents in the context of larger problems is something to be mocked. The so-called “Democrat” response does not strike me as partisan so much as it strikes me as a Gospel-based Christian response.

  16. V the K says

    November 21, 2005 at 5:18 pm - November 21, 2005

    #15 — Also, a response that pretty much guarantees the Democrat will soon be looking at his own intestines.

  17. Kevin W says

    November 21, 2005 at 5:39 pm - November 21, 2005

    Haha… funnnny. I’m probably in the Republican category. 🙂

  18. JimNYC says

    November 21, 2005 at 6:01 pm - November 21, 2005

    Wow…. nothing makes this NorthEastern Gay Boy feel more secure than a trigger-happy, inbred, home-schooled Southener… throw in a prayer meeting, a box of wine, and a darkie who stepped out of line and the picture is complete! Woo Hoo…. and Monster Trucks and NASCAR on holidays!

  19. Eddie says

    November 21, 2005 at 6:36 pm - November 21, 2005

    Let’s see…. how would a typical Republican handle this…. lie about the incident, tell FOXNEWS how to report it, change the alert level to orange, then make someone else or someone else’s kids shoot him… and if there is any investigation, blame a CIA agent…..

  20. V the K says

    November 21, 2005 at 6:40 pm - November 21, 2005

    More proof… as if any were needed… that leftists have no sense of humor.

  21. rightwingprof says

    November 21, 2005 at 8:10 pm - November 21, 2005

    More proof… as if any were needed… that leftists have no sense of humor.

    And given this:

    Basically you think that patience, sympathy, introspection, consideration of multiple options/points of view, respect for law, consideration of potential unintended consequences, and the viewing of single incidents in the context of larger problems is something to be mocked

    not much between the ears, either.

  22. chandler in hollywood says

    November 21, 2005 at 8:48 pm - November 21, 2005

    Reminds me of a discussion I participated in when I was a welfare worker in Nevada. The discussion was based on the principle that you could only shoot an intruder if they were in you home and the joke-what is the hardest thing about killing an intruder in your home? (Answer: pulling the body through the window.) The someone turned to me and asked what I would do? I said I would follow him home and kill his family. Silence.

    It’s a Serbian thing.

  23. Synova says

    November 21, 2005 at 9:27 pm - November 21, 2005

    Very funny. 🙂

    I like yours too, chandler. It must be interesting to be Serbian. 😉

  24. Sally says

    November 21, 2005 at 9:42 pm - November 21, 2005

    Well, didn’t the Republican sell the knife to the terrorist in the first place, while at the same time selling knives, brokered by their Jewish friend, to a second Islamic terrorist who is at war with the first terrorist, and when the first terrorist uses chemical weapons against the second terrorist, didn’t the Republican administration block the security council from imposing sanctions on the first terrorist? Just wondering!

  25. ThatGayConservative says

    November 22, 2005 at 1:04 am - November 22, 2005

    #18

    Yeah. THAT’S gonna get liberals elected.

    Who was it that opposed anti-lynching laws??? OH YEAH! It was Democrats.

  26. ThatGayConservative says

    November 22, 2005 at 1:11 am - November 22, 2005

    #23

    How many liberals would it take to pass legislation to raise taxes, then appropriate billions just to pay for the light bulb, then buy a $1 lightbulb, pocket the rest of the cash and say it was all Bush’s fault?

    #25

    No, it was lord BJ’s buddy Mark Rich who sold the knife to the terrorists and to prove just how much BJ gives a damn about terrorism, he pardons Rich in exchange for a nice contribution to the BJ Clinton “Presidential” Library & Massage Parlor.

  27. Hello Moto says

    November 22, 2005 at 2:41 am - November 22, 2005

    #23, Pres. Bush supporter as I am, I still thought that was pretty funny.

  28. North Dallas Thirty says

    November 22, 2005 at 3:36 am - November 22, 2005

    Basically you think that patience, sympathy, introspection, consideration of multiple options/points of view, respect for law, consideration of potential unintended consequences, and the viewing of single incidents in the context of larger problems is something to be mocked.

    Those are all nice when you have time. But when you don’t, as is the case in this scenario, your inaction will kill your family.

    The problem with Democrats like you, Andy, is that ” patience, sympathy, introspection, consideration of multiple options/points of view, respect for law, consideration of potential unintended consequences, and the viewing of single incidents in the context of larger problems ” have nothing to do with fixing the problem, but with finding excuses not to act.

  29. ThatGayConservative says

    November 22, 2005 at 3:53 am - November 22, 2005

    #29

    If I may add emphasis on excuses not to act which is what today’s liberals are based on. Well that and excuses for everything they do or don’t do.

  30. V the K says

    November 22, 2005 at 6:03 am - November 22, 2005

    Great Quote from Ace of Spades HQ: “RESOLVED: Partisan leftists hate Republicans so much that they’d rather see America lose a war than Republicans win a midterm election.”

  31. syn says

    November 22, 2005 at 7:15 am - November 22, 2005

    I can not believe 400 years of blood, sweat and tears advancing Western liberalism is being pissed away by the very Liberals who attained their freedom by those who gave their blood fighting for liberalism.

    Twenty years from now when Islamists are publically hanging American gay children in the public square, remember it will be cowardly narcissitic Liberalism which pissed way America’s ability to defend Liberty.

  32. rightwingprof says

    November 22, 2005 at 7:58 am - November 22, 2005

    Well, didn’t the Republican sell the knife to the terrorist in the first place

    There you go again, with those liberal fantasies.

  33. V the K says

    November 22, 2005 at 8:25 am - November 22, 2005

    Anyone else see a pattern to the comments on this thread?

    A Conservative addresses a problem forcefully and directly. Then, a bunch of liberals come in to whine, throw insults, and construct conspiracy theories.

  34. chandler in hollywood says

    November 22, 2005 at 8:29 am - November 22, 2005

    Twenty years from now when Islamists are publicly hanging American gay children in the public square, remember it will be cowardly narcissistic Liberalism which pissed way America’s ability to defend Liberty.
    Comment by syn
    =========================
    In order for that to be remotely possible fundamentalist Christian Republicans would have to merge with fundamentalist Moslem Republicans and revocate current laws and create far more draconian laws to replace them.

    That is one reason I post here as it won’t be coming from the liberal end of the spectrum.

    Which brings up my old saw, is there any gay positive initiative that the conservatives or Republicans endorse?

  35. Calarato says

    November 22, 2005 at 10:26 am - November 22, 2005

    You have a reason for posting here? Amazing!

    Because there hasn’t been any positive (much less rational or consistent) philosophy or plan to your posts. You’re all carping, all the time.

  36. chandler in hollywood says

    November 22, 2005 at 10:30 am - November 22, 2005

    You have a reason for posting here? Amazing!
    Comment by Calarato
    ====
    Clararato,
    You have a reason to read, amazing!

  37. Andy says

    November 22, 2005 at 10:34 am - November 22, 2005

    Amidst all your disparaging remarks about “typical liberals,” all I can see is that you can only respond to thoughtful contributions with insults and mockery, and have no intelligent response of your own. If I were in the situation described in this joke, I would stop, smile, and extend my hand in friendship. I guarantee it would work.

  38. V the K says

    November 22, 2005 at 10:45 am - November 22, 2005

    #38 — And if you send money to the Nigerian Prince, he will share his fortune with you.

  39. Calarato says

    November 22, 2005 at 11:02 am - November 22, 2005

    Sure Chandler – My reason for reading and posting here on GP is three-fold:

    – Entertainment
    – Advance a philosophy of reason, individualism, achievement and freedom; which often involves countering the canards, delusions and hatefulness of far leftist posters such as yourself.
    – Express my moral approval of the War on Terror, including the war in Iraq.

    Now what are your reasons for reading and posting here? (I’ll bet they aren’t positive, when we get down to it.)

  40. Jean Schmidt after Prozac says

    November 22, 2005 at 12:12 pm - November 22, 2005

    Maybe his reason for posting is to just see how much you guys spew in return… to the untrained reader this site is almost a parody…. c’mon… quoting Michelle Malkin and Bill O’Reilly… even the less intelligent (i.e. your base) don’t buy this crap anymore… so there Catastrophic, good luck with your support on the war on terror…. Iraq just bitch slapped us…. they want us out… or is that just typical “liberal” media spin?

  41. chandler in hollywood says

    November 22, 2005 at 4:45 pm - November 22, 2005

    Clararato,

    It is all about being entertained.

    And when someone like you begins a sentance with the phrase, “Express my moral approval”, I get all giggly because I have met my goal.

  42. chandler in hollywood says

    November 22, 2005 at 4:46 pm - November 22, 2005

    spell check…….on

  43. Andre says

    November 22, 2005 at 7:25 pm - November 22, 2005

    I’d shoot. Then I’d go home and have my own “weed day” if you know what I mean.

  44. ThatGayConservative says

    November 23, 2005 at 12:30 am - November 23, 2005

    #41

    You’re right. We should all bow at the altar credible info that is Fat Bastard, Dan Rather, Air Enron, NYT etc.

  45. Calarato says

    November 23, 2005 at 6:37 am - November 23, 2005

    Comment 42 –

    I know, Chandler. The concept of morality, and of people giving praise and approval where it is due, is so alien to you.

  46. Robert A. Mitchell says

    November 24, 2005 at 8:21 am - November 24, 2005

    Libertarian Answer: Ba-Bang [calm steps] Bang! All clear on the front. Clear right, daddy. Clear left, Dad.
    Clear behind, dear, I’ll call for a pick-up.

    Mitch

  47. Ted B. says

    November 26, 2005 at 8:18 pm - November 26, 2005

    And being Libertarians, the wife has to re-holster her snub-nose .38 in her purse before she can use her cell-phone. Well, someone has to cover his back….

Categories

Archives