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Vampire For Governor…of Minnesota?

Posted by Bruce Carroll at 12:52 pm - January 12, 2006.
Filed under: National Politics

(Hat tip to Inside Larry’s Head for this doozy of a story!)

Yes, a vampire is running for Governor of Minnesota this year. None other than Jonathon “The Impaler” Sharkey.

‘Impaler’ Sinks His Teeth Into Governor’s Race – StarTribune.com

Quite some distance from the mainstream, however, is his pledge to execute — by impalement in front of the State Capitol — terrorists, rapists, drug dealers, child abusers, repeat drunken drivers and anybody who preys on the elderly.

“I’m going to be totally open and honest,” he said. “Unlike other candidates, I’m not going to hide my evil side.”

Okay….. I’m starting to warm to this guy…..

Although he calls the “Christian God the Father” his “mortal enemy,” Sharkey said he has nothing against Jesus Christ or his followers. But he thinks God the Father was a poor parent for allowing his son to be crucified.

Well, at least we know he isn’t a LibDemocrat if he doesn’t hate Christians!

Sharkey, 41, is receiving veterans’ disability benefits because of a severe injury in the Army in 1982. On a high-altitude jump while training as a paratrooper, he says, his main parachute failed and the reserve chute opened just before he hit the ground “like a ton of bricks.”

I’m just guessing but I think he may have landed on his head.

I blame this all on Jesse Ventura for bringing out every Tom, Dick & Scary who thinks they are capable of running the Minnesota state government. At least if elected, you wouldn’t be surprised if the Governor tried to suck your blood in taxes! Oh, did I forget to mention he’s running for President in 2008?

Hillary versus the Impaler in 2008? Man, they are going to need a lot of garlic in the audience of the Presidential Debates!

-Bruce (GayPatriot)

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15 Comments

  1. For once, words fail me.

    Regards,
    Peter Hughes

    Comment by Peter Hughes — January 12, 2006 @ 2:43 pm - January 12, 2006

  2. I am thinking with the climate in Minnesota… maybe that’s where all the vampires are hiding…

    Comment by Larry Bernard — January 12, 2006 @ 5:03 pm - January 12, 2006

  3. Okay, MN may be have freakish weather and be surprisingly liberal, but this is NOT typical! I swear . . . ummmm, hang on, have to go let the dog out to scare away the Yeti.

    Comment by spurringirl — January 12, 2006 @ 10:27 pm - January 12, 2006

  4. Isn’t this all wonderful and diverse and inclusive, having a neo-pagan vampire running for office?

    Comment by rightwingprof — January 13, 2006 @ 7:55 am - January 13, 2006

  5. LOL! Thanks, Bruce.

    Comment by Muslihoon — January 14, 2006 @ 1:33 pm - January 14, 2006

  6. His website is awesome! Easily my fav quote:

    “In August 1988, while visiting a relative, I met a girl who was totally
    taken by me and who I was. She was hott and sexy, so I drove her
    home that night on my bike, and slept with her. Though I do not regret
    sleeping with her, in 1996 I found that she was my half-sister who I
    hadn’t seen since 1970. Talk about letting your ego get the best of you.”

    Now I ask you: does it get any better than this?

    Comment by glisteny — January 17, 2006 @ 12:32 am - January 17, 2006

  7. I think its nice that some one is willing to come out like that and run for office not thinking what people think of him just because he is strange to everyone else, i mean there are alot of close minded and scared people out there who would rather have nothing to do with people like him,but he didn’t care so i kind of admire him for that.

    Comment by Devin — January 18, 2006 @ 1:33 am - January 18, 2006

  8. I think it is definatley scary that a vampire is actually running for the state that i was born in. Thankfully, I have recently moved out of state, and won’t be subject to this insanity.

    Comment by Tiffani — January 18, 2006 @ 2:33 pm - January 18, 2006

  9. I think it is definatley scary that a vampire is actually running for the state that i was born in. Thankfully, I have recently moved out of state, and won’t be subject to this insanity.

    Comment by Tiffani — January 18, 2006 @ 2:33 pm - January 18, 2006

  10. I personally think that all vampires exist in Minnesota. Just like Japanese scientists are hiding pokemon in their labs. Just so you know I am and avid lover of God. Hes basically the man, and shall smite yo’ ugly behind.

    Comment by Garlic and wooden stake abuser — January 24, 2006 @ 10:12 pm - January 24, 2006

  11. I live in Minnesota and I firmly believe that this man would be an amazing governor, some might find him a joke but he sounds like an honest man to me, I voted for jesse ventura and he turned out to be good so trust me.
    word
    peace out
    gwaaapa gwapaapa

    I luv vampz

    Comment by i luv vampz — January 24, 2006 @ 10:20 pm - January 24, 2006

  12. I bet your favorite cereal is count choculla, and I also think you are a vampire poser. Do u love the count from sesame street? He seems like your type of wack-ass person. I think your ideas on politics are based upon socialism and facism, and to be frank with you johnny boy, Minnesota is not buying it. I can’t wait to see your commercials, I bet they will be worse than watching an infanant amount of Cosby show re-runs. Johnathon Sharkey should be declared clinically insane.

    Comment by I bet Your fav cereal is count choculla — January 24, 2006 @ 10:28 pm - January 24, 2006

  13. Hes not going to be elected now, as of 1/30 he was arrested

    Comment by tarotfreak — January 31, 2006 @ 11:20 pm - January 31, 2006

  14. Johnathon Sharkey.
    Hes not going to be elected now, as of 1/30 he was arrested

    Comment by tarotfreak — January 31, 2006 @ 11:21 pm - January 31, 2006

  15. He’s not thinking straight. There never has been and never will be such a thing as vampires. He won’t get elected anyway he’s too crazy.

    Comment by Miranda Streling — October 8, 2007 @ 3:35 pm - October 8, 2007

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