GayPatriot

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Valentine’s Day Open Thread — Advice for the Lovelorn

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Given that we have moved to WordPress since my last year’s Valentine’s Day Open Thread, we have lost the comments to that post where I asked readers to let us know how they met their schweeties. Schweetie is my term for significant other.

This year, you’re welcome to chime in and share the story of how you met your schweetie, but also, I ask that you offer advice for the lovelorn. It is not easy to meet other gay men who seek long-term monogamous relationships. So, I’ll repeat the question I asked last year: What can those single ones of us do so that we will not be celebrating Valentine’s Day alone again next year?

As I eagerly await your comments, I wish you all the happiest of Valentine’s Days.

-Dan (AKA GayPatriotWest): GayPatriotWest@aol.com

Comments

  1. Dan, looks like a lean day for personal admissions from the commentators here who usually are eager to offer their opinion or insights… but I’ll try.

    I’ve been partnered for 9 years and we met in a dark chat room when the venue was in its infancy. He was what he said he was; he turned out to be what I thought he would be… it’s been wonderful, exciting, and life-affirming all around. He says the same about me and his expectations of me.

    What can you and others like you do so you aren’t riding the sling solo next VD? I guess it would be to evaluate what it is you want, work to put yourself into places and events and proximity to those you desire to partner… work at it, don’t let “nature” just take its course… and be resilent in the face of rejection. It takes work to land that perfect job and keep it; it takes work to be successful in life; it takes work to keep connected to family and friends… why shouldn’t it be the same for finding your soulmate and lover?

    Work at it, guy.

  3. Dan – I’m straight in MN, but I don’t see why what has worked for me wouldn’t work for anybody.

    My current Schweetie and I met on a blind date – and a previous Love of My Life was also a fix-up. If you take a risk, it can pay off!

    Tournament bridge is a huge part of my life and I’ve met both Schweeties and life long friends at it. It happens to be exceptionally welcoming of everyone, including gays. Folks only care that you love the game and want to compete.

    If you’re not a card player, go get involved in whatever you do enjoy. Sounds old-fashioned, but you really can meet someone who likes doing what you like, that can also make your heart beat faster!

    Good luck, everyone.

  4. As Vera goes thru lovers the way a monkey goes thru bananas, she probably isn’t the best source of advice on how to keep a man.

    As for meeting a banana, err, man, well Auntie Vera is more than happy to pass on some of her most tried and true tips:

    Drop your posse: No one will approach you if you’re traveling with 7 of your nearest and dearest. We can’t figure out who’s dating whom and frankly, we’re too tired to do the math. (Vera always goes after the ‘lone wolf’ types)

    Think it/Say it: Nothing worse than attempting to converse with a mime. Do try to hold up your end of the conversation. Everyone has something interesting to say about themselves or the changing times we live in. (Vera uses witty bon mots from some of her more interesting friends).

    Drop the 3rd degree: Vera is no fan of in-depth interviews. I’m not applying for a job, attempting to get a loan or asking for a kidney. General topical questions are fine, but anything you wouldn’t ask in front of my lawyer, shouldn’t be voiced. Not yet.

    Use a ‘gift’: Sadly, Vera can no longer accept expensive presents from grateful admirers, but she willingly accepts: compliments, better seating, parking spots, peppermint life savers (individually wrapped), funny jokes and embarrassing incidents from your life (no ‘past lover’ stories, please!). It’s not a gift if you don’t share it.

    Timing: Don’t assume you can only find me between 10-2 (that’s pm/am) at the local watering hole. I’m also a frequent patron of: the library/bookstore, bakeries, cabstands, drug stores, haberdasheries, and the occasional pet shop. Try taking a solo walk on a sunny afternoon carrying a book with scandalous title. I’m sure to stop you for a quick review.

    You can’t find me if you’re not looking.

    I can’t find you if I can’t see you.

    Cheers!

  6. We met 14 years ago via on online BBS where I answered his personal ad (yeah, “before the internet lol”). He lived in NYC and I was 3 hours away in Upstate NY. After several months of email and phone calls I invited him up for the weekend.
    I can’t imagine life without him.

    The thing I always tell my single friends (when they whine about it) is to get out there and TALK to people. I worked nights as a bartender a long long time ago. Watching the cruising games drove me nuts…. everyone standing around waiting for someone else to be the first to speak. Think he’s cute? Go tell him- the worst that can happen is nothing.

  7. Isn’t it is fact “Saint” Valentines Day? Could this be more fuel for the “culture war”; along the lines of Christmas and Torino?

    I think Bill O’Reilly needs to start a boycott of Hallmark, 1-800-Flowers, etc. Let’s return the “Saint” to St. Valentines day.

  10. #4

    Wow. How many people, these days, know what a haberdashery is?

    #6

    Wow. How many people, these days, know what a BBS is?

    As for myself, TGCpartner and I have been together 9 years now. Some advice I was given before that was that you’re never going to find Mr. Right at the bars. So, I gave up looking for Mr. Right at the bars and wound up finding him after all. I guess you could say that you can find him, but it won’t be easy. Unless, of course, you’re looking for a snobby queen who drops X in the john, dances all over the place, and has gone down on more guys than the Titanic.

    I suppose that some good advice would be to not confine yourself to a certain “type”. I was looking for someone young looking, blond, white etc. I didn’t think that I would be attracted to a Hispanic guy, but it turns out that I can.

    Don’t assume that just because there are some dissimilarities between the two of you that you have nothing in common and won’t get along. TGCpartner and I don’t share the same likes, but they’re trivial. Plus I think the differences in our personalities balances out. Being the older (7 years) and more mature, he’s helped me “grow up” a little and I’ve helped him relax and not be so serious sometimes. One day I’ll get him to enjoy South Park, Adult Swim and Keeping Up Appearances.