Last Monday, I noted that I had been in “ sour mood of late.” As the week progressed and my mood improved, I realized that in the words of Jimmy Buffett, it was “my own damn fault.” Had I been true to myself, I would not have felt as bad as I did in the early part of the week.
Suffice it to say that while my heart warned me against doing something, I followed instead what, for lack of better term, I will call, the “ethos of West Hollywood.” While my actions brought me some momentary satisfaction, they did not provide the connection I truly sought. I would have been better off had I handled my date differently — or just stayed at home alone and read a book or watched a DVD.
Indeed, it seemed synchronistic that the first DVD I picked up after that date was Crash, a movie I greatly enjoyed even though the flick, in Cathy Seipp‘s words, portrays “the rich screenwriter’s view of L.A rather than the real L.A.” (Cathy has more on Crash here in her most excellent Oscar preview column.) Despite its misleading portrayal of LA, I like the movie because it reminds us “of the sustaining power of human relationships” and “asks us to look beyond the surface of each individual, for many of us are more complicated that we at first appear.“
What hit home for me last weekend was Don Cheadle‘s opening voice-over:
In L.A. nobody touches you; we’re always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much that we crash into each other just so we can feel something.
It seemed that in that in the gay world, when we long for that touch, we “crash into each other” by hooking up, often without the expectation of the connection lasting longer than its ostensible purpose. And for some, that may be satisfying, for others, it doesn’t provide the “touch” we really seek.
I do think gay men (indeed, men in general) use casual sex as a means to feel something without dealing with the difficulties of genuine connection — and genuine emotion. Another reason why the conversation on gay marriage is of paramount importance.
-Dan (AKA GayPatriotWest): GayPatriotWest@aol.com