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Gay Men, Vulnerability & Relationship

Not too long ago, as I was driving home from a meeting, a friend called and asked me to come over. When I got to his place, he seemed upset, but gratified to see me. He had just had a job interview for an opening which had seemed promising. But, his prospective employer had not been very accommodating. Noting that this once-promising opportunity evaporated, he expressed concern that his job search could lead to naught.

In telling me the story, not merely venting about the difficult interview, but also expressing his anxieties about the job search, my friend acknowledged his own vulnerability, something which all too many of us seem to reserve for our conversations with our therapists. Afraid to let any chinks appear in our masculine façades, we don’t want to let others see our pain, our fears, our anxiety.

I have often wondered why some gay men (just like our straight counterparts) project this image of masculine toughness as if we fear any indication of vulnerability might make us appear weak or too “feminine” and so make us less attractive to others. But, when my friend told me his story, it only drew me closer to him. I saw him as a more complex human being, sensitive, alert to his feelings.

I find the men who come across as too icy, too tough as far less attractive than those men who manifest a little bit of vulnerability underneath their masculine exterior. Yet, all too often, I see gay men who, after offering a hint of vulnerability, instantly close up.

I wonder sometimes if that’s the reason so many of us cut ourselves off from the guys with whom we “hook up.” Acknowledging that we find someone attractive, that we desire him, indicates a certain vulnerability to his beauty. (Perhaps, we don’t like giving him that power.) Yet, after we have (for lack of better term on a blog open to the public) found our pleasure with him, too many of us cut ourselves off from the man who just moments previously we had so desired. Is it that we are afraid to acknowledge his power over us, to acknowledge our own vulnerability?

Instead of seeing sex as a means of connection, that desire represents (in part) a longing to bond with another human being, we dress it up so as not to let on that we feel alone. We see it as just sex, serving only our own pleasure. And not perhaps an indication that we are dependant upon others for certain things in life.


Hillary Pilloried!

We watched this live last Saturday night and loved it.  Please enjoy this nice visual addition to Dan’s post from last night about Queen Hillary.

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Chris Matthews: “Does Obama have the experience to be President?” 

Hillary laughing:  “Oh-ho-ho, heavens to mergatroid!  I’m not going to comment on that.  As to his experience and hatred of women, the voters will have to decide.”

CM:  “You think he hates women?”

Hillary:  “Well, Chris I think the fact that knowing that I’m running for President he would deliberately form an exploratory committee to run himself in the same election when he has to know he’d be running against me… well, I mean…Jiminy Cricket!….at the very least it shows a certain lack of respect for women.”

Hilarious!  I’m wondering if the SNL opening skit is one of America’s leading political indicators….The Hillary Backlash.

-Bruce (GayPatriot)

Chuck Schumer’s Imaginary Friends

Posted by Bruce Carroll at 6:00 am - January 23, 2007.
Filed under: Leftist Nutjobs,Liberals

This is… well, quite disturbing.

Biking through New York’s boroughs in 2005, I thought about some old friends, Joe and Eileen Bailey. Though they are imaginary, I frequently talk to them.

To me, they represent the hardworking and often-ignored families who are not tuned in to special-interest newsletters or editorial pages, but want a little something more from their government and their leaders.


If the Baileys (or is that Joe and Eileen O’Reilly, Chuck?) are imaginary, perhaps Senator Schumer only *thinks* they want more government in their lives.  Who really knows?  I guess it depends on what milligram level he took that day before his “bike ride.” 

And here I thought the contest for the Democrat Senator with the most dissolved brain cells was between Ted Kennedy or Robert Byrd (D-KKK).

-Bruce (GayPatriot)