My greatest fear in doing the posts on sex and morality (here and here) is that some people will assume I have become judgmental, faulting those who do not live up to an idealistic vision of sexual expression. Were I to be that person, I would have to be critical of the behavior of most of my friends (at one point of another in their lives) and even myself. For not only have we all (well, most of us, including yours truly) failed to live up to our ideals, but we have also had to learn by trial and error what works best for us.
My point in doing the posts was to stimulate discussion. As anyone has learned who has tried to understand his sexuality, it is a very complicated issue, one for which the morality of right and wrong only has limited usefulness. There are clearly things which are wrong (i.e., sleeping with a man in a committed relationship), but on most issues, we have to stumble around in the dark before we find what is right for us.
On both threads, there has been some serious conversation and, alas, some who would rather fault this blog for its political leanings than address this non-political topic which, I believe, all gay men (indeed, all men and all women) should consider. And should consider in a thoughtful manner. For just as there are many Republicans, including some of our readers, who do have (and live) a moral vision of their sexuality, there are numerous Democrats (and others on the left) also committed to such a lifestyle.
This is not a political issue. And let me repeat, the morality I propose is not judgmental, but rather transformational — or perhaps inspirational — reminding us to see our sexuality in a context that transcends its carnal aspects.
horniness can be analogous to pain we feel the need to do something (i.e., masturbate or have sex) just to cease the “pain” in our brain. (Is this why we call an orgasm a “release”?) Of course, that doesn’t excuse us from behaving irresponsibly to others and ourselves.
We all need to understand that many of us see (or have seen) sex as a means to feel less alone, to connect, if just for a moment, with another human being.
The basic reason I have been writing these posts is not because I have the answers, but because I believe the questions are important ones, ones which all of us, gay and straight alike, should address so that we might better understand ourselves and live more meaningful lives.