GayPatriot

The Internet home for American gay conservatives.

Dan Rather Wins 1st James Earl Carter Bitter Old Man Award

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**Welcome to the readers from The Corner at NRO!!**

After much deliberation, we at GayPatriot are pleased to announce that Dan Rather has been selected to be the first recipient of the prestigious James Earl Carter Bitter Old Man Award (JEC BOMA). Named in honor of the nation’s thirty-ninth president, the JEC BOMA honors those men over 70 who, in their dotage, by the very bitterness of their manner, follow in the footsteps of the nation’s worst president.

We have selected Mr. Carter’s name to go on the (yet to be designed trophy) for his nearly twenty-seven years of sour grapes. Having not gotten over his 1980 landslide loss to Ronald Reagan, Carter has become a perpetual critic of his successors and shown such little grace in his retirement that the only times he appears in the media, he seems to be criticizing his own nation (and its leaders) while praising its adversaries (particularly the most vicious). Ostensibly committed to human rights, Mr. Carter seems to find that only the United States and its allies violate them, while blaming other nations’ violations on the policies of the United States (and its allies).

Through the better part of his public actions since voters in 44 states rejected him, this sourpuss has helped redefine the term Bitter Old Man. In order to honor that achievement, we have named this prestigious award in his honor.

We have considered several candidates for the award. While Senate Democratic Leader Harry Reid has shown many of the qualities of his party’s one-time standard bearer, we realized that he was not qualified for the award, having not yet reached the age of 70. One blog reader nominated his Arizona colleague John McCain who did meet the age requirement, but we had to exclude him because he was still pursuing Mr. Carter’s old job. (Unfortunately, we could not factor in his chances of winning into the equation for the rules only refer to “announced” candidates for the White House and don’t make exceptions for “doomed” ones.)

Despite what would otherwise have been stiff competition from these worthy adversaries, Dan Rather was a near-unanimous choice for the first ever James Earl Carter Bitter Old Man Award. He seems to delight in grousing against nearly the exact same people whose very success (and just plain presence on the national stage) makes Mr. Carter so unhappy. But, what really sealed the deal for the Awards Committee was Mr. Rather’s recent lambasting of Katie Couric, his successor at CBS News. The committee found this particular attack showed Mr. Rather to be a bitter old man in the same spirit as Mr. Carter, attacking his successor(s) in order to deflect attention from his own failings.

“This is not just the pot calling the kettle black,” said one of the judges, “This is the old pot, long since unusable, calling the new kettle black because of its first burn mark.” Another remarked, “Like Carter, Rather just doesn’t want to recognize his own failings and seems to think that by attacking his successor, he’ll make people forget his own dismal record.”

Congratulations, Mr. Rather, for leaving CBS and continuing to grouse about your successors, you are truly living up to the man whose bitterness defines this award.

Comments

  5. What a great idea for an award! This is clearly the One To Win. Both this year’s winner and the award’s namesake are richly deserving. Of what, I haven’t decided, but I’m having fun thinking about it.

  6. What about Helen Thomas, I know that technically she is bitter old woman, but she produces more testosterone than the winner. And when it comes to bitterness nobody beats the fourth estates crazy aunt in the attic.

  8. My design for the trophy: a cluster of SOUR GRAPES.

    My nominees for the next JECBOM Award: Larry King, Harry Belafonte and Ted “Pass the Scotch” Kennedy.

    Regards,
    Peter H.

  10. #9 – Good choice, Bruce, but Harry is more of a whiner than a bitter old man. I like the comment about Helen Thomas, though. Maybe we should create the Maude Findlay Old Battle-Axe Award.

    Any other nominations besides the old Arab mentioned above?

    Regards,
    Peter H.

  11. More nominees:
    – Bill Moyer
    – Noam Chomsky

    It seems to me that another qualification of the award is that the recipient should be vastly overrated by the mainstream media. Carter, Rather, Moyer and Chomsky all fit the bill.

  12. LMAO.

    You guys give gays a …good! …name. *heh*

    Gotta love it: and someone photoshop the award – quickly – icon …from a Welchade can.

    And a separate OBAA award? – Sheer. Genius.

  15. #7 James Earl Carter, known as the Father of the Iranian Revolution, is an Arabian folk hero who in the 1970s worked as a tireless advocate on behalf of millions of oppressed Muslim missionaries seeking to spread the peaceful tenets of Islam throughout the world. The missionaries, or “Al-Qaeda” (meaning “precious little lambs of Allah”) have revered Carter as a hero for over 30 years, often telling tales around the fire of Carter’s legendary bravery that gave the missionaries unfettered freedom in a cruel and xenophobic world. Throughout the bustling city of Tehran, there are murals the size of buildings depicting the contemplative face of Carter to honor both his fearless condemnation of western values and civilization and his selfless gift that has permitted the peaceful missionaries to live productive, spiritual lives all over the world. In fact, Al-Qaeda was so grateful for Carter’s support and his commitment to Islamic values, they bestowed upon him their highest honor: the Nobel Prize.

  17. I like the idea of a cluster of sour grapes, but what about a very symmetric INVERTED bunch of sour grapes. That way, the award carries with it a subtle suggestion that it can (and should be) shoved up somewhere as far as possible?

    I know, ew. Stop picturing it…………….okay, is it gone?

  25. Wonderful choice for the inaugural award.

    Will you be accepting nominations from readers next year?

    Just wondering: How old is John Kerry? When will he qualify?

  27. Idea for what the award should look like: How about take the Oscar statue, then give it stooped shoulders, and have it waving a cane in the air?

  29. A great idea and a good choice for the first recipient. All the suggested nominees are also deserving. If the award is not limited to US citizens I´d like to nominate Kofi Annon. While he´s done nothing to promote democracy or promote true human rights, Í´m trying to remeber some sour grapes, unless his trying to explain the food for oil scandal involving his son qualifies.

  30. Thank you, Sean A, that was very helpful. He sounds like a truly wonderful man. Just imagine the peace and prosperity we could have if we could ever elect a man like that as our President.

  31. Hmmm…. Old, weak, bitter, and stomach churning?
    Sounds like the latte I had at Star Bucks the other day.

    Jimmy’s become the Ashley Wilkes of politics – a bit part overblown into a staring role. He’s a milquetoast who’s increasingly irrelevant -and well past his ‘sell by’ date. He’s like Harry Reid with a better assortment of sweaters.

    Vera loves awards – any chance she’s in the running for the Old Battle-Axe Award ?

  32. #15

    Somebody save that for future use! That’s gotta be a WikiPedia entry of some sort. Dan, save that for the foot note whenever the award is given.

    BTW, somebody mentioned something about giving the award next year. I think it could easily be done at least quarterly. Call it the “Not Exactly Annual Jimmies”

  34. Jimmy Carter the worst U.S. president? Get serious. Richard Outhouse Nixon holds that title in perpetuity. He’s the only president who had to resign from office. I’ve lost count of how many members of his administration went to jail.

  35. #31 – “Vera loves awards – any chance she’s in the running for the Old Battle-Axe Award ?”

    Not a chance, Vera. Winning the OBA Award is like being on Mr. Blackwell’s Worst-Dressed List – you only want someone else to be named, not yourself.

    Welcome back, dahling! 😉

    Regards,
    Peter H.

  38. Methinks a giant golden attack rabbit is best. I’ve been trying to figure out that story ever since it happened. Was it Harvey? Is Jimmy really Elwood P. Dowd?