Return To Sender, Vera’s Not Impressed
Apparently Noam Chomsky has Vera’s address. And if that isn’t an incentive to move, I don’t know what is.
Yesterday’s mail delivery included this plea from the Nutty Professor Chomsky who is “looking for some more concerned, progressive friends to step forward and join us….”
Sadly though, don’t confuse “progressive” with progress, because if you’re not “challenging corporate globalization” or “empowering labor” or advocating for cop killers… you’re obviously a law abiding, stock-holding, Wal-Mart shopping, capitalist whore — like Vera is.
It’s no wonder these “progressives” always look like hoboes… they refuse to buy anything new! When ‘the tall one’ (bin Laden) is sending you kudos from his cave, you’ve really got to start being more discriminating about who your friends are.
Herr Chomsky has a dirty laundry list of issues he wants addressed. From “shutting down the war machine” to “challenging the criminal justice system” to “creating access to alternative media and the airways as a tool to organize.” Well, he’s got the tool part right, that’s for sure.
This group of like-minded activists — they call themselves “Resist” — of whom Chomsky says “call them radical leftist or call them just and compassionate” – just don’t call them lazy. They organize sit-ins, stand-ups, shut-downs, marches, rallies, walks, and boycotts. No wonder they’re all so thin, they never have time for a decent meal. “Resist” certainly puts the “active” in activist. Who needs weight watchers or a gym membership when you’re burning calories attempting to dismantle the global economy and sabotage the war machine?
Alas, I won’t be sending “Resist” the check they so desperately want. As a capitalist to my core, my hard earned money is better spent at Saks keeping some surly salesgirl gainfully employed, than funding the social protests of socialists.
As for the postage paid envelope the folks over at Resist included in the mailing: I am open to suggestion from the board on what might be appropriate to send back – like a coupon to a tanning salon for a vampire – I’d be grateful for any inventive suggestions from our regular commenters.
Unfortunately, Vera’s time is short today – I have to go scrub my mailbox – and hope that nutty old Professor Chomsky doesn’t send any more mail my way.
Cheers!
Vera Charles
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“In lieu of cash, please accept these lovely debit cards from Starbucks, McDonalds, and Wal-Mart. And if you keep sending these mailers, I will encourage all of my friends to go buy more to send to you.”
Comment by North Dallas Thirty — September 20, 2007 @ 11:46 pm - September 20, 2007
How about using the stamp (or perhaps the envelope) to send a card or note to our troops.
Comment by Cris — September 21, 2007 @ 12:00 am - September 21, 2007
How did you even get on Chumpsky’s mailing list anyway?
Comment by Attmay — September 21, 2007 @ 6:26 am - September 21, 2007
The good news is, this ‘gentleman’ wasted postage mailing this to you, dear Vera.
The bad news is, this ‘gentleman’s’ organization is probably one of those oxymoronic (on many levels) “not for profit” groups who can deduct the postage from the taxes they probably don’t even pay in the first place.
I do tend to ramble in the morning.
Comment by Julie the Jarhead — September 21, 2007 @ 9:04 am - September 21, 2007
Question, If a deli had a Noam Chomsky Sandwich on the menu, what would the ingredients be?
Comment by Heliotrope — September 21, 2007 @ 9:51 am - September 21, 2007
“progressive” = doubleplusgood newspeak
Comment by American Elephant — September 21, 2007 @ 10:00 am - September 21, 2007
Vera, just send them a cheap (photocopied), big grinning portrait of Ronald Reagan.
I like the mailings with a long “member poll” to return – about what the progressive group should work on next, etc. On occasion, I return it with all the “wrong” (i.e., right) answers checked. They probably just throw them all out, but at least the person on the other end had to spend 20 seconds flipping through the pages for a check they won’t find. And anyway the poll gave me a laugh, and you never know, they might read one sometime.
Comment by ILoveCapitalism — September 21, 2007 @ 10:31 am - September 21, 2007
Send coupons for Marx and Stalin costumes, 50% off through Oct. 31.
Comment by HardHobbit — September 21, 2007 @ 11:22 am - September 21, 2007
Send them an American Flag sticker. The flag seems to piss progressives off.
Comment by BrianP — September 21, 2007 @ 12:23 pm - September 21, 2007
This is the same Noam Chomsky who freely admits that he invests his substantial income and and assets on Wall Street…including in our defense contractors…since it’s a good return on investment? Must be nice to be a rich anti-war anti-American socialist and have Exxon-Mobil, Boeing, Lockheed and General Dynamics in your growing portfolio. What, no Blackwater?…
Comment by Ted B. (Charging Rhino) — September 21, 2007 @ 12:30 pm - September 21, 2007
Question, If a deli had a Noam Chomsky Sandwich on the menu, what would the ingredients be?
Pork belly slathered in bitter herbs and covered with horseradish, served with an American-flag napkin to wipe your face.
And then when you finish, you have to go into the bathroom and throw it up because you just offended al-Qaeda by eating pork.
Comment by North Dallas Thirty — September 21, 2007 @ 1:08 pm - September 21, 2007
#11: Horseradish? Is that anything like horsesapples?
Comment by Heliotrope — September 21, 2007 @ 6:32 pm - September 21, 2007
Amazingly obvious – mass mailings are a simply way to reach those who may not wish to engage in discussion – as this forum seemingly has decided to do.
Comment by so_what — September 23, 2007 @ 2:35 am - September 23, 2007
Vera, congratulations on your first post here. A delightful change from the usual. I believe you’ll take this site, at last, to the level it deserves.
Comment by KYKid — September 29, 2007 @ 12:58 pm - September 29, 2007