GayPatriot

The Internet home for American gay conservatives.

Why It Matters to Come Out as a Gay Republican

by

For the past year or so, I have been pondering writing a memoir, not necessarily because my life has been particularly interesting, but because, I believe, lessons I’ve learned, largely by taking the wrong path, may well have some universal significance.

Perhaps the most significant of those lessons is to remain true to yourself, even if you risk the opprobrium of your peers.  As I’ve expressed several times on this blog (here and here for example), when I moved to LA in 1999, I decided (by and large) to hide my conservative politics, that is, to borrow an expression, I went back into the political closet.

I did so, largely because the few conservatives I knew who were familiar with the entertainment industry said it would be career suicide to identify oneself as a Republican.  I learned later it was even a challenge in some segments of the industry for Democrats to be open about their support for Hillary Clinton during the Democratic primaries.

In this town, one does indeed face ostracism for coming out conservative.  As I reported last month, David Zucker said Republican was the “new gay” in Hollywood.

But, just as we gay people find a community where there are others like ourselves when we come out, so too do we gay Republicans, even those of us in Hollywood find a community when we come out of our closets.

When I started coming out to my gay and industry friends in 2004, I learned that being open about my politics offered a window in the character of my friends and acquaintances.  Those who dismissed me because of my politics revealed their narrow-mindedness.  They put ideological conformity ahead of emotional compatibility and much else.

Those who might be surprised by my politics, but considered the relationship unchanged by the revelation proved themselves worthy friends.  They would not let a slight difference get in the way of their affection, admiration and even respect.

Sometimes, this revelation even furthered our understanding of one another; their curiosity about my Republican politics (especially because nearly all had assumed I was a Democrat) prompted many questions.  The conversation which ensued allowed us to more readily address issues which concerned us.  By being open about our politics, we could better discuss some of the things which most mattered to us.

Perhap the most important thing I realized when I came out as a conservative is how my political closet had exacerbated my isolation.  From remaining silent when politics came up in conversations, I found that when I spoke out, I would occasionally meet others who shared my views.  Or at least appreciated my iconoclasm, or just plain willingness to buck their expectations of how a gay person should think.

This blog has served to help advance those relationships.  Had I remained in the closet, I would likely not have come into contact with the people who came to our GayPatriot outing Saturday night.  Simply by being true to myself, I met more people with whom I shared interests and ideas.  I expanded my circle.  As have many others who have made similar choices to be about how they differ from their peers.

The long and the short of it, the “lesson,” so to speak, for my memoir is that while these differences may costing us friendships and even professional contacts, when we do “come out,” we do more readily find others like ourselves.  And sometimes even we end up finding the right track for our lives.

Something to bear in mind when you wrestle with whether to stand up to an intolerant friend or acquaintance.  Is the friendship really worth it if he’s so narrow-minded?  Or maybe he’s not that narrow-minded but just needs to be confronted on his prejudices.

Who knows, by coming out, you may well help change his attitudes!

—B. Daniel Blatt

Comments

  1. Thanks so much for writing that – it’s a terrific start for an actual personal-political memoir – Gay Radical Son! This is such an important topic for gay people who often have a hard time fitting in or feeling comfortable with themselves to begin with; conservative-minded gay people have the added challenge of then being faced with rejection from the gay community itself. That experience can be a very nasty eye-opener for the weak of heart. So thanks for your rational, eloquent scratching of this bumpy surface. Don’t stop there!

  2. Dan,

    It’s takes a great deal of moral conviction to live life “out” and even more to be “out and conservative”.

    I must tell you it is much easier to be a gay conservative in Texas (excluding Austin). I can’t imagine the peer pressure that you experience in LA.

    Actors talk about coming out of the closet in Hollywood and they mean the CONSERVATIVE closet. Risking their careers!

    How ironic? The same “coming out” fears we have by being gay in the work place and other aspects of our lives.

    I feel the peer pressure in my personal life and witness the look on the faces of folks when they hear me talk about my political beliefs. I always get the response “Aren’t you supposed to be liberal?”

    I have various comebacks (some sassier than others) depending on whom I am conversing with at the time. Mostly I tell them I believe in personal responsibility and the values of conservatives based on my life experiences.

    Depending how open they are to discussion I will tell of my transformation from Jimmy Carter liberal to Ronald Reagan conservative. Jimmy Carter was the first and last Democratic presidential candidate I voted for.

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts and ideas with us. I feel the sense of community that you do by being out and conservative. We are an asset to the gay community and to our community at large.

    Jeb

  3. Yeah, trying being a conservative gay person from a minority group.

    Friends and family detest being lied to. and appreciate any opportunity to be trusted with ‘private information’. most of my close gay conservative friends know that I will always be open to them and know that we always can ‘agree to disagree’ without any fear of loss of our relationship.

    being open and honest is not only liberating but increases the ‘LIFE’ we chose to lead, mentally, physically and spiritually.

  4. This is why I tune into GayPatriot everyday. I have yet to find another website that offers readers such a unique perspective. I find it endearing and empowering.

    Thank you!

  5. Very powerful, considering my strong and loud conservitive views and my private gay life. I’m glad I found this site — thanks to Malkin. Much to think about here. Thanks.

  8. I understand how difficult it must have been to come out as a gay conservative in LA and especially in Hollywood. Well, it was very hard to do the same in San Francisco. I have actually had my life threatened for expressing conservative thought amongst other gay men in San Francisco. I have had my car vandalized for nothing more than having a “Support our Troops” magnet. I have been spit on, cursed, and even kicked while on crutches recovering from back surgery. Years ago, before his brain attrophied, in a discussion with Andrew Sullivan, I mentioned that I lived in SF. His response was simply, “I’d rather live in Cuba”. And he was right. I have since moved to the more tolerant suburbs and avoid San Francisco as I would avoid Havana.

    BTW, thanks for the blog, I appreciate reading it every day.

  9. largely by taking the wrong path

    I’d be interested in what these wrong paths were. You don’t strike me as the drinking, smoking , catt’n’ about type.

  11. It’s important to be yourself and accepted for who you are by those that understand and screw those that don’t. I recently put my political leaning up on my profile on a gay site. I don’t care what people think, I’d rather meet people who are cool with it, and it gives me a better chance to meet someone with similar values, though I haven’t had probs with my Dem lovers. Confronting someone about their prejudices is a good thing. Great post.

  14. A memoir? Aren’t you too young? No one your age writes memoirs. I can’t think of any single person who would ever write a memoir at that young of an age. Hmm, well, maybe there is someone I can think of who has. His name escapes me though. I think he’s from Chicago or somethin’.

  15. Did you ever think that some of your former friends dumped you not for being Republican (in and of itself), but for the dogmatic, hateful, toe-the-line-and-talk-the-talking-points drivel that you post in your blog?