It seems that for the better part of my time in LA, I would only end up dating guys with whom I had absolutely nothing in common.Â So bad did it get at one point that I even signed up for a dating service.Â And that didn’t help at all.
Well, things started to change just over two years ago where, in the space of several months, I had the two best first dates I’d had since moving out here.Â And in the subsequent months, I would continue to have a number of great dates, though not yet finding my match.Â At least I’m no longer meeting guys who say they work out regularly, only to learn that they had resolved to work out regularly — at some undetermined point in time.Â (This used to happen quite regularly.)
That’s not to say all my dating experiences have been pleasant ones.Â Some have been truly bizarre, others disappointing and others illuminating.
Sometimes when I share these stories with friends, they suggest I should write about them.
I was sharing once such story, though not quite about dating, with a straight friend today, noting one of the many differences between gay and straight dating.Â He suggested I blog about it.Â So, a bit drained from writing about politics and the politicization of Hollywood, I decided to do just that.
While working out, I commented on this cute guy (very much my type) who usually works out the same time I do.Â Last week, I had finally confirmed my hunch that this fair fellow was gay, only to learn that his workout partner was his boyfriend.Â So, I summarized the situation to my gay friend saying something like this:
Just because my hopes were fulfilled when I learned he was gay doesn’t mean I’m satisfied.Â I mean, sometimes for us, we gotta first figure out if a guy’s gay.Â When you were single [my friend is married], all you had to do was figure out if she’s into you, then proceed from there.Â We need to figure out if he’s gay before knowing how to proceed.
Please note that I write this with a smile. Sometime it seems it’s something of a fool’s errand to try to figure out if someone is gay or not. Just because he’s gay doesn’t mean he’s available. And just because he’s available doesn’t mean he’s interested.
Such is life.