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On gender difference & sexual attraction

Posted by GayPatriotWest at 3:58 pm - March 17, 2009.
Filed under: Random Thoughts,Sex Difference

Yesterday, while working out, I posed a hypothetical to a straight friend of mine, asking if he’d rather be funny-looking, but a nice guy or handsome and unkind.  He hesitate for a bit, then answered that he’d rather be funny-looking.

I had asked the question after seeing this well-built guy walk by, a straight man who always scowls and never has a kind word for anyone.  His cold presence called to mind another straight guy at our gym.  That man has a strange appearance; his workouts don’t seem to have altered his lanky physique, yet he always smiles and has something nice or clever to say when you greet him.  When I mentioned this guy (we’ll call him Larry though that’s not his real name) to my straight friend, his face lit up, “You know, he dates models.”

Somehow that made sense to me.  Larry is not the first funny-looking straight guy I know who dates beautiful women.  I’ve known overweight straight men with outgoing personalities, a great senses of humor and/or above-average abilities to listen who have dated strikingly attractive women.

Yet, if a gay guy were funny-looking, unless he were rich, he would certainly trouble finding a hot guy to date him, even if he had a most compelling personality.  The explanation is not in our sexuality, but our gender.  For whatever reason it seems men are more visual than women.  And more often than not, women just seem to value the person over his appearance.

This is not the first time I’ve noticed this nor am I the first person to say it.  It’s just something that struck me yesterday when I had that conversation . . .

FROM THE COMMENTS:  Leah writes:

Women often will take security – either physical or financial over looks.

I hate the idea that women are ‘better’ than men. We’re not. It’s just much easier to find fault with men since their faults are more ‘superficial’. Whereas it’s harder to pin point the woman’s weakness.

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20 Comments

  1. For whatever reason it seems men are more visual than women.

    well Duh!!! Despite what you have been taught about men and women being the same they are not, this is one of the big differences.

    I beg to differ about your next statement:

    And more often than not, women just seem to value the person over his appearance.

    Women often will take security – either physical or financial over looks.

    I hate the idea that women are ‘better’ than men. We’re not. It’s just much easier to find fault with men since their faults are more ‘superficial’. Whereas it’s harder to pin point the woman’s weakness.

    Comment by Leah — March 17, 2009 @ 4:23 pm - March 17, 2009

  2. Oh, wait…I thought this was the Barney Frank thread. Sorry.

    Comment by Ignatius — March 17, 2009 @ 4:27 pm - March 17, 2009

  3. And more often than not, women just seem to value the person over his appearance.

    Or maybe it’s his “shoe size”.

    BTW, I was watching MANswers the other night. Apparently some university did a study where they discovered more men look at a woman’s face first rather than T&A. I was surprised.

    Comment by ThatGayConservative — March 17, 2009 @ 5:07 pm - March 17, 2009

  4. Well as a woman, I will look first, but if a nice looking guy just isn’t nice personally, he quickly loses his attractiveness.

    A really nice guy, who isn’t so hot, may often grow more attractive as you get to know him.

    Leah has a point though-a lot of women will take security over nice and/or nice looking.

    Comment by just me — March 17, 2009 @ 5:13 pm - March 17, 2009

  5. BTW, I was watching MANswers the other night. Apparently some university did a study where they discovered more men look at a woman’s face first rather than T&A. I was surprised.

    Doesn’t surprise me at all. T&A spend most of their time hidden. You see the face 24/7. A good smile does more for beauty, and dare I say sexiness, than anything else. A woman could have the curves of Nigella Lawson; one sneer, however, creates instant hag.

    Comment by Obi-Wandreas — March 17, 2009 @ 5:27 pm - March 17, 2009

  6. Wasnt there some study recently that found women prefer men with sloped foreheads and other neanderthal-like characteristics?

    And btw, the goofy lookin guys who date models? What do their wallets look like?

    I agree w Leah, men are more superficial, women are more calculating and gay men are often both.

    Comment by American Elephant — March 17, 2009 @ 5:28 pm - March 17, 2009

  7. BTW… all these studies — millions of dollars to find out that men like hot chicks? …. your tax dollars at work!

    Comment by American Elephant — March 17, 2009 @ 5:29 pm - March 17, 2009

  8. men are more superficial, women are more calculating and gay men are often both.

    AE, unfotunately, that is very true about the gays that are in the limelight and the public eye.

    I am very happy to say, that many do not fall into that category.

    Comment by Leah — March 17, 2009 @ 5:59 pm - March 17, 2009

  9. … AIG, Did WHAT? Executives got $ 1 Million…

    Make them give the Money Back…and start over !
    They didn’t deserve it in the first place !
    That’s NOT what the money was meant for !

    Comment by LindaMarie — March 17, 2009 @ 6:09 pm - March 17, 2009

  10. i saw a thing on Discover (yeah I know about TV science, bear with me) that said that men are attracted to the .8 ratio of body beauty and a symmetrical face. It appears to be hardwired in.

    Women’s perceptions of beauty change over time. Women used to be attracted to men with a gut, because it was a sign of success as a hunter.

    So I’m not fat, I’m anachronistically beautiful. 🙂

    Comment by The Livewire — March 17, 2009 @ 6:55 pm - March 17, 2009

  11. Well its like that Pet shop Boys song called Love Etc, “You don’t have to beautiful but it helps.” (In getting love.)

    Comment by Darkeyedresolve — March 17, 2009 @ 7:13 pm - March 17, 2009

  12. Yes, the concept of beauty has changed much through the ages and has always been closely tied to those characteristics that were thought to signify affluence. Sun tans were once considered undesirable as they represented laborers who toiled in the sun, until the golden age of Hollywood when stars and starlets lazed about the pool when they weren’t shooting. Look at paintings from the Renaissance and you’ll see that big plump women were once considered the ideal because it suggested they were healthy and had the means to eat well.

    Comment by American Elephant — March 17, 2009 @ 7:25 pm - March 17, 2009

  13. As a wise man once onserved, “No matter how hot she looks, somewhere there’s a guy who’s had it up to here with her BS.”

    That likely applies to teh gheys, too.

    Comment by V the K — March 18, 2009 @ 8:03 am - March 18, 2009

  14. #9 – LindaMarie, either you are on the wrong thread or your Prozac just wore off.

    Regards,
    Peter H.

    Comment by Peter Hughes — March 18, 2009 @ 2:50 pm - March 18, 2009

  15. GPW writes:

    I posed a hypothetical to a straight friend of mine, asking if he’d rather be funny-looking, but a nice guy or handsome and unkind. He hesitated for a bit, then answered that he’d rather be funny-looking.

    Well, no wonder he hesitated! He was probably wondering: “Okay, so which quality do you think I’m deficient in NOW — kindness or handsomeness?”

    Comment by Throbert McGee — March 18, 2009 @ 4:13 pm - March 18, 2009

  16. Men have a very primal sexual urge — basic physical pleasure. Women have a more emotional sexual need. It’s a biological difference that is likely derived from the role each gender plays in procreation. Orgasm, the implantation of sperm, is the most important role for a man. Whereas, for women, it is the birth and protection of the offspring. These basic roles are the driving force behind our sexual desires.

    Comment by Erik — March 18, 2009 @ 5:26 pm - March 18, 2009

  17. It’s just much easier to find fault with men since their faults are more ’superficial’. Whereas it’s harder to pin point the woman’s weakness.

    BTW, that comment is extremely sexist.

    Comment by Erik — March 18, 2009 @ 5:51 pm - March 18, 2009

  18. I agree, the premise makes me also think that even though we are “visual” that we still have the need to “connect” and while we like to look and the two dimensional “cute together” picture as the ideal we (men) too need the depth of all aspects (emotional, spiritual physical) in our companions.

    Being visual we place expectations of what we hope is inside the vessel (the companion) in regards to the emotional and spiritual… But because we do not focus on these long term attributes first (come on folks the pretty does go away) we are left with a pattern of “serial monogamy” rather than a formula for the true long term monogamous ideal.

    Comment by Colocelt — March 20, 2009 @ 1:44 pm - March 20, 2009

  19. […] is an excellent post over at GayPatriot On gender difference & sexual attraction that got me thinking about how gay men work.  The premise presented in the post makes me also […]

    Pingback by Yes, we men are visual…when you’re Gay it is double trouble « American Highlander — March 24, 2009 @ 12:02 am - March 24, 2009

  20. Its really not surprising that you have made this observation. men, both gay and straight, are very physical and into the extremes. gay men prefer more masculine men, i.e. muscular, and straight men prefer more feminine women. as for women, its really not that simple. other traits are equally important, especially those traits compatible with parental investment i.eb kindness, fidelity, security, etc. Search Aaron Glassenberg and there are many more researchers who have published important papers in this area

    Comment by stede — January 17, 2010 @ 8:33 am - January 17, 2010

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