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When Kindness Doesn’t Pay

March 18, 2009 by GayPatriotWest

Maybe Ayn Rand had a point about altruism.

Have you ever gone out of your way to help someone and find they keep asking for favors? And yet there are others who always remember to acknowledge you for your gestures, no matter how insignificant.  Then, it sometimes seems your act of compassion had a somewhat selfish end, garnering the appreciation of another.

Of course, it’s a little different with nieces and nephews.  They don’t always remember to send you thank you notes.  That doesn’t seem to matter all that much, at least to me.  There’s satisfaction in seeing (or imagining) the smile on a child’s face.

I was thinking about this today when, upon returning from my workout, I opened my (snail) mail box to discover for the umpteenth day in a pile of charitable solicitations, many from groups to which I had never given, some of whom send me regular mails.  I begin to wonder if they spend as much money in asking for money as they do in helping the people they claim they’re helping.  And the “gifts” they send me.  I’ll never need to buy address labels, greeting cards or scratch pads again.

Then, I check my e-mail to read a missive from a person (for whom I have gone out of my way in the past) repeating a request for a ridiculous favor.  Odd how this individual’s strategy differs from that of another friend for whom I have regularly (and willingly, eagerly even) gone out of my way.  When that friend mentioned last week that she was going to be in a staged reading this Sunday, I asked if I could go, knowing it would mean a lot to her.  Her response saying as much made me glad I had asked.

Note, the second friend didn’t request the favor, but got it.  And why did I so readily offer to go?  Because she’s a friend, a talented actress who works hard and deserves more success than this business has allowed her.  And because she has acknowledged every act of kindness I have performed on her behalf.

Maybe I’m not so altruistic after all.

Filed Under: LA Stories, Random Thoughts

Comments

  1. ILoveCapitalism says

    March 18, 2009 at 4:05 pm - March 18, 2009

    I begin to wonder if they spend as much money in asking for money as they do in helping the people they claim they’re helping.

    Some of them spend more. BTW, this a good resource for checking out how efficient charities are, with your dollars: http://www.charitynavigator.org
    I don’t know if it covers political groups; if anyone knows of a similar site for political groups, please let me know.

  2. ILoveCapitalism says

    March 18, 2009 at 4:21 pm - March 18, 2009

    Maybe Ayn Rand had a point about altruism. Have you ever gone out of your way to help someone and find they keep asking for favors?

    Altruism is a misunderstood concept. In ordinary language, we use it a bit incorrectly to mean any kind of regard for the welfare of others – be it rational or irrational, selfish or unselfish.

    Rand advocated rational, “selfish” (or what we might call self-respecting; self-aware) regard for the welfare of others. You help people in accordance with their degree of importance to you, the fairness of their requests/expectations, and so forth. If someone you love has a reasonable request, of course you help them. You’d be an idiot not to. If someone you don’t love has an unreasonable request, you should certainly think twice about helping them.

  3. ILoveCapitalism says

    March 18, 2009 at 4:33 pm - March 18, 2009

    Maybe I’m not so altruistic after all.

    Here’s Wikipedia, on altruism as a formal ethical or political doctrine:

    The word “altruism” (French, altruisme, from autrui: “other people”…) was coined by Auguste Comte, the French founder of positivism… Comte says, in his Catechisme Positiviste [1], that: “[The] social point of view cannot tolerate the notion of rights, for such notion rests on individualism. We are born under a load of obligations of every kind… [Man must serve] Humanity, whose we are entirely.”

    Rand wanted to destroy that kind of altruism specifically, seeing it as the root of totalitarian dictatorship. Because who then decides what is and is not appropriate “service to Humanity”? The State.

  4. Erik says

    March 18, 2009 at 4:43 pm - March 18, 2009

    This was an interesting post.

  5. Gene in Pennsylvania says

    March 18, 2009 at 4:48 pm - March 18, 2009

    During the heat of the Iraq war I was donating to as many as four supposed vets charity groups. Until I saw a report on Dateline or one of those shows that detailed how at least 2 of the groups I had been donating to were basically shams. They had employed all the members of one particular family with salaries of 100-200k. And spent 80% of the remaining money on soliciting and administration. Obviously I stopped donating to these kinds of groups. And now if I want to donate I give to the USO or the Amer Legion. Like GPW I do want to feel good about my donation. It always makes me feel more like a human being.

  6. Gene in Pennsylvania says

    March 18, 2009 at 4:50 pm - March 18, 2009

    Now that Obamateleprompter wants to charge wounded vets for their health care and raise taxes on charitable contributions, it is more important than ever that we find a way to fund worthy charities.

  7. Leah says

    March 18, 2009 at 7:19 pm - March 18, 2009

    ILC thanks for your explanation of Ayn Rand’s philosophy. It’s been a long time since I read her, and I remember a sense of narcissistic selfishness. I think you got it right.

    Gene, a wonderful organization that is completely volunteer run and uses 100% of donations for the troops is Operation Gratitude.
    http://www.opgratitude.com/
    Yeah, this is a little bit of self promotion. I’ve been volunteering there for over 5 years. It’s America at it’s best, and the joy we have brought to 450,000 servicemen and women is beyond description.

  8. ILoveCapitalism says

    March 18, 2009 at 7:58 pm - March 18, 2009

    Leah, thanks for your work with Op Gratitude!

    There is another type of altruism that Rand was very concerned to stamp out, namely the Auguste Comte type of idea that self-sacrifice is ethically mandatory and service to others is the only justification of a person’s existence. I have a comment about it that is presently caught in the filter. Not to repeat myself, but she felt that that type of thinking was the root of all dictatorship (because it took away people’s moral stature to say No to the State).

    By the time she was done stamping it out, and justifying an individual’s right to live for his or her own sake, and being an atheist etc. etc. – perhaps you could take her in a narcissistic way. But I don’t find that to be a fair and accurate reading of her, and some of her followers have defined her concept of benevolence toward others as distinct from Auguste Comte altruism, and as one of the Objectivist virtues.

  9. Attmay says

    March 20, 2009 at 9:51 am - March 20, 2009

    Kindness also doesn’t pay against bigots, haters, and anyone who wants a form of marriage apartheid.

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