Perhaps because I spend the better part of each week blogging about politics, for the past 36 hours or so, I’ve not been too keen on addressing political issues. And given that a friend’s story of a bizarre e-mail exchange earlier in the week reminded me that I had wanted to blog on a similarly strange experience I had had now nearly three years ago, I thought I’d blog on that.
My friend (we’ll call him Dave though that’s not his real name) related how a man expressed interest in him in an online dating forum. Before Dave had had a chance to reply, the man (who somehow became aware that he (Dave) had reviewed his (the man’s) profile),fired off a series of angry e-mails to Dave, saying, in effect, but with words a little more direct, that he wasn’t the man he claimed to be (in his profile).
Now, Dave had not sent the guy one single e-mail, had not said a word to this guy and yet was subject to a barrage of insults. So, I quipped, “The guy does know how to make a good first impression.”
And I wondered if the guy was really interested in Dave, why he would so mouth off at him? Did he think that would make him more likely to respond favorably to his romantic entreaties? This reminded me of my own strange experience now nearly three years ago. I had met a man through an on-line dating service.
After exchanging a few e-mails, we decided to meet for coffee. That went well enough that he suggested dinner. It was a wonderful dinner; we had a great conversation about movies and story-telling, with me waxing eloquent about a particular movie (which he hadn’t seen). So, we decided to watch this flick (then, as now, available on DVD) for our third get-together.
We went to his house, ordered in and watched it. We kissed good-night. It seemed he was interested in, well, become more physically intimate, but I didn’t feel it was appropriate, didn’t want to lead him on. A few days later he calls me up and basically asks, “So, are we boyfriends now?” I said I didn’t know where it was headed, but did want to see him again.
At that point, he proceeded to accuse me of leading him on and launched into a full-on attack. (This broadside continue for about 20 minutes.) Well, that did help me make up my mind about where our relationship was headed. And what struck me more than anything was the same thing which struck Dave. Why would a guy interested in one of us proceed to attack when he did not get the answer he wanted?
It’s not just Dave and me. I’ve related this story to a number of friends (and a handful of acquaintance over the years), with several reporting similar situations. A couple of gay guys have even related how they befriended an occasional straight women who reacted na a nearly identical manner upon learning of their sexuality.
Look, I’ll be the first to say it’s not always easy being single, particularly when you long for affection, and we do need to vent from time to time when we face the numerous obstacles (which appear sometimes as barricades) on the road to relationship. But, what purpose does it serve to express your hostility to the person whose affection you seek? It has always puzzled me how common are stories similar to the one I relate above.
So, I share it with you and perhaps you can help puzzle out the meaning of such venting.
*And some women.