OTOH, it does make an amusing if unintended pun.

Most humans can let the man control the beast

That’s exactly it, and something many gays seem to have trouble with. Many straights do too, so I am not blaming gays as a group. But the way I’ve seen the human-vs-beast struggle play out in *some* gay people is: they’ve surrendered to the Beast within, thinking that the inner Beast’s voice must be obeyed, or that its every whim “is” them. As a result (and as you put it), they live their lives “with the desperation of a man clinging to driftwood in the Bering Sea.”.

Then again, I’ve given up after two divorces and several failed dates. I don’t need to hear the voice of the Divine to get the point

As to the quick turn from love to hate… *puts amature socialologist hat on* Part of loving and caring for someone is to risk reaching out with your own emotions laid bare. Some people take rejection of that as an attack. there’s also a bit of dominance involved, in that we try to control our environment. Most humans can let the man control the beast and decide it’s ‘their loss, not mine.’ But when you can’t/won’t socialize normally, any sort of contact and trust is grasped, with the desperation of a man clinging to driftwood in the Bearing Sea.

Being newly single again myself, I learned quickly that expectations must be set right out of the gate.  You feel like a tool reciting the checklist of do’s and don’ts – like some waiter ticking off the night’s specials.  But, there’s Hell to pay if you don’t. This is irrespective of what’s on some profile.

This is an interesting subject, Dan. Not political, but crucial nonetheless.

FYI: Kay Hymowitz did a Bloggingheads with Will Wilkinson about the perils of straight dating a few weeks back.  But, I think the same thinking applies here.

Best wishes,
-MFS

I’ve also been in the position to be attacked over the content of my dating profile by men I haven’t even communicated with. I’m not sure what it is, probably an unhealthy base level of general rancor and an inability to leave well enough alone.

As odd seeming as your story (and “Dave’s”) may be, its is not at all unusual. Years ago, back in New York, I was chatted up in a bar while I was waiting for Vince (my late partner) to arrive. The man turned out to be an FBI employee, and as I was to find out, a stalker. There was no sexual interaction, no discussion of dating or even of seeing one another again, but he decided that I was going to be his lover. This man turned up outside my office, outside our apartment, for eight months, virtually every day. I was followed on the subway to and from work. I was followed in the grocery store. Now you’ve met me, and I’m no great beauty, so why did this man become fixated on me? I finally had to contact the FBI in order to bring a halt to the stalking. Be glad you only got attacked after three dates, I only had a 15 minute conversation.