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BREAKING: The Masturbating Terrorist?

Posted by Bruce Carroll at 1:08 pm - January 12, 2010.
Filed under: Post 9-11 America,Travel,War On Terror

Folks, I wish this was a joke. A colleague of mine witnessed truly bizarre behavior on US Airways Flight 1453 from Washington Reagan National to Charlotte, NC this morning.

Shortly after takeoff, a young Middle Eastern-looking man in First Class (seat 2A) covered himself with a hooded jacket and blanket, dropped his pants and appeared to go to town.

My friend believes that an air marshal was on board. But I reported the incident to a TSA supervisor at Charlotte-Douglas and he didn’t seem to care and told me to call the airline itself.

I’m not sure what about these events today is most disturbing.

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18 Comments

  1. More of those, please! πŸ™‚

    Comment by sonicfrog — January 12, 2010 @ 1:33 pm - January 12, 2010

  2. It wasn’t quite the explosion we were looking for!

    Comment by sonicfrog — January 12, 2010 @ 1:34 pm - January 12, 2010

  3. Can’t a guy rub one out on a plane without being branded a pervert? I mean, if a woman did it – it’d be erotic, but a guy – no, we’re pervs!

    Double standard.

    Comment by Nick — January 12, 2010 @ 1:38 pm - January 12, 2010

  4. If there were an Air Marshal on board he or she would not normally get involved in this unless the person got violent or tried to enter the cockpit area (no pun intended,) They simply do not want to give themselves away in case there are others on board who might be involved in this circle-whatever it was.

    Seems the flight attendant should have done something though.

    Comment by TRO — January 12, 2010 @ 2:25 pm - January 12, 2010

  5. Just landing now myself. Further info is that the flight attendants did nothing. The man presumed to be the air marshal took charge. My concern was the Masturbating Terrorist was just a “test” of the system and trying to stop him from staying in the air system today. TSA could have cared less.

    Comment by Bruce (GayPatriot) — January 12, 2010 @ 3:20 pm - January 12, 2010

  6. We all need to be informed on all aspects of any stimulus package.

    Comment by heliotrope — January 12, 2010 @ 3:37 pm - January 12, 2010

  7. Despite the frantic undercover movement, there is another explanation. In fact, he was wearing another crotchbomb, but forgot his lighter. He was attempting to initiate the explosion by rubbing two dry sticks together. Obviously his sticks weren’t dry enough.

    Comment by MaggieL — January 12, 2010 @ 3:59 pm - January 12, 2010

  8. If by purchasing a seat in 1st class your friend was hoping to get more bang for his buck, he could have saved the money and bought a seat back in coach where the passengers are never too pooped to pop.

    Comment by Spartann — January 12, 2010 @ 4:31 pm - January 12, 2010

  9. Do not know what to think…. the last time I flew first class (long story but it was an upgrade) there were Jews on board most likely hoping to not have kosher food. I am betting they were not expecting to have a rabbi on the same flight… true story…. no other way to explain why there was not enough kosher meals on board that flight ROFL

    Comment by StraightAussie — January 12, 2010 @ 5:23 pm - January 12, 2010

  10. On a more serious note, this is very worrying. The dry runs are increasing and you should be upset and worried by these incidents… even if it sounds well, funny.

    Comment by StraightAussie — January 12, 2010 @ 5:24 pm - January 12, 2010

  11. the most disturbing thing? that your equation of ‘terrorist’ with ‘middle eastern looking’ means that you’re a big old bunch of racists πŸ˜›

    Comment by harmen — January 12, 2010 @ 5:57 pm - January 12, 2010

  12. Doesn’t this guy know what airplane bathrooms are for?

    Comment by Draybee — January 12, 2010 @ 6:09 pm - January 12, 2010

  13. Just curious, what was the in-flight movie?

    Comment by Splinter — January 12, 2010 @ 7:11 pm - January 12, 2010

  14. My initial comment is “…WTF?”

    My second is doesn’t anyone have the authority to demand, “…young man, pull up and zip up.” the unspoken sub-text should have been “…or else you’ll never use that hand again.”

    Comment by Ted B. (Charging Rhino) — January 12, 2010 @ 7:29 pm - January 12, 2010

  15. The dry runs are increasing

    Isn’t there medication for that now?

    Sorry

    Comment by ThatGayConservative — January 12, 2010 @ 7:37 pm - January 12, 2010

  16. This time the undie bomber did cause an explosion!

    On a serious note, though, how is this a dry run? A terrorist isn’t going to cause physical harm by masturbating. He might cause physical harm by detonating explosive decives, but we already know that we don’t allow that to happen, if we see it happening in progress. We have been throwing people off planes for years now for engaging in suspicious activities, but masturbating isn’t a suspicious activity in regards to terrorism, it’s just a disgusting activity to do on an airplane.

    Comment by Mitchell Blatt — January 12, 2010 @ 8:18 pm - January 12, 2010

  17. Typical government response though…..”call someone who cares …”

    Comment by Gene in Pennsylvania — January 12, 2010 @ 8:50 pm - January 12, 2010

  18. Flipping through you punsters… *groan*… *groan*… *groan*. Keep your day jobs. πŸ˜‰

    masturbating isn’t a suspicious activity in regards to terrorism, it’s just a disgusting activity to do on an airplane.

    First, it’s illegally lewd conduct in a tight public space such as an airplane and, as such, it creates a hostile environment for others. The airline staff, TSA, who-the-hell-ever, should have put a stop to it for that reason alone. Second, yes it is a suspicious activity in regards to terrorism because how would they actually know he was masturbating under the blanket, not trying to light explosives?

    Comment by ILoveCapitalism — January 12, 2010 @ 11:48 pm - January 12, 2010

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