The class of Elizabeth Edwards
A striking serendipity helped me appreciate the true strength of Elizabeth Edwards. On the day she died, I was fixing, as per the request of my committee chair, a hole in the section on the mythical hero Jason in my dissertation. This one-time captain of the Argo lost the favor of the goddesses who facilitated his quest for the Golden Fleece when he abandoned his wife who provided him the tools he needed to take the fleece for another woman.
Medea did not take kindly to this infidelity and murdered her children, depriving her husband of progeny.
Elizabeth Edwards bore her husband’s pursuit of another woman with far greater class than did that legendary priestess of Hecate. Indeed, Mrs. Edwards seemed always to show class on the public stage, particularly when she spoke about her cancer. As Michelle Malkin put it, “Mrs. Edwards was able to set aside partisanship when it came to the ravages of cancer. As should we all.”
Over at Patterico’s Pontifications, Aaron Worthing alerts us to this beautiful testimony she wrote on her Facebook page.
You all know that I have been sustained throughout my life by three saving graces – my family, my friends, and a faith in the power of resilience and hope. These graces have carried me through difficult times and they have brought more joy to the good times than I ever could have imagined. The days of our lives, for all of us, are numbered. We know that. And, yes, there are certainly times when we aren’t able to muster as much strength and patience as we would like. It’s called being human. But I have found that in the simple act of living with hope, and in the daily effort to have a positive impact in the world, the days I do have are made all the more meaningful and precious. And for that I am grateful. It isn’t possible to put into words the love and gratitude I feel to everyone who has and continues to support and inspire me every day. To you I simply say: you know.
While Edwards acknowledged that there are times when we can’t muster the strength and passion we would like, she showed far greater strength that do many people who faced trials similar to those she faced. We all could learn a lot from her words. We can learn even more from the grace with which she faced misfortune.
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Here Here! Requiem Intera Pax
Comment by Patrick C. — December 8, 2010 @ 3:21 am - December 8, 2010
“To the living we owe respect; to the dead, only truth.”
But there’s no point in arguing about it at this time of the morning.
Comment by Davep. — December 8, 2010 @ 4:02 am - December 8, 2010
Say what you will about the Breck Girl, but I will say that I think it’s so nice that they made a tradition of going to Wendy’s on their anniversary to remember a time when they probably didn’t have much.
Comment by ThatGayConservative — December 8, 2010 @ 4:40 am - December 8, 2010
R.I.P. Elizabeth Edwards.
Comment by Vince in WeHo — December 8, 2010 @ 4:47 am - December 8, 2010
I learned of Elizabeth Edwards’ death from breast cancer when I was in the doctor’s office waiting to get treatment for…breast cancer. Eerie, and sobering.
Rest in peace, Mrs. Edwards.
Comment by Seane-Anna — December 8, 2010 @ 7:36 am - December 8, 2010
RIP, Mrs. Edwards. You were classier than I could be.
Seane-Anna, as much as we disagree on things, you’re not joining her yet. I plan to put up with you for a long time.
Comment by The_Livewire — December 8, 2010 @ 7:39 am - December 8, 2010
“…they made a tradition of going to Wendy’s on their anniversary to remember a time when they probably didn’t have much.”
John and Elizabeth Edwards did that? That is rather sweet.
Comment by Seane-Anna — December 8, 2010 @ 7:39 am - December 8, 2010
“Seane-Anna, as much as we disagree on things, you’re not joining her yet. I plan to put up with you for a long time.”
Thanks for your kind words, The_Livewire.
Comment by Seane-Anna — December 8, 2010 @ 7:42 am - December 8, 2010
Ditto Livewire in #6. Well said.
Comment by SoCalRobert — December 8, 2010 @ 7:54 am - December 8, 2010
I think I heard that during his or Kerry’s campaign, but I read about it yesterday.
Comment by ThatGayConservative — December 8, 2010 @ 8:42 am - December 8, 2010
I second the thoughts of others here. She certainly handled things with much more grace than John deserved. R.I.P.
Seane-Anna, best wishes to you with your treatment.
Comment by Neptune — December 8, 2010 @ 9:32 am - December 8, 2010
Davep writes: ““To the living we owe respect; to the dead, only truth.” But there’s no point in arguing about it at this time of the morning.”
I don’t know about that, Davep. Truth is a tough master.
Society often idolizes tragic figures and there is none more tragic than a spouse who gets sucker punched by a previously attested “best friend”, “my daily joy”, “my soul mate for life”, “my inspiration”. Doubly tragic that it all happened in the face of a life-threatening battle with cancer.
I don’t pretend to know or understand or empathize with the burdens that Mrs Edwards’ carried –but I can’t help recalling this is more about a condition that afflicts our celebrity culture than it is about a pure soul struggling against horrific odds. George Will called the condition a fascination with “the pornography of grief”; some call it “recreational grieving” within the celebrity culture-centered segment of society… I just call it perverse.
One thing is very true about Mrs Edwards: she lived the last portion of her life deep in a public exposition of that pornography of grief. And she did it willingly.
Frankly, to my tastes, “classy” would have been for her to withdraw from the public spotlight, tame her legendary ego and avarice for public attention and focus on helping her children adapt to the life in the shadows of their father’s indiscretion and immorality. I don’t get how becoming a public figure in her own light and all the media attention made her struggle more noble or instructive –it just seemed like an extension of the ego-driven life that got her into the quagmire of celebrity-run-amuck attention by default. As the Kardashians prove every day, it’s not important how one gets to celebrity, only that you keep it going and growing. A veritable cancer in its own right.
Mrs Edwards was first and foremost a victim of our society’s culture of celebrity and the pornography of grief. That’s the best lesson we can take from her contribution to all the expositions of that grief… and maybe a resolve on our part not to personally traffic in that pornography of grief.
I feel very sorry her battle with cancer did not have a better outcome. I am more sorry that her children didn’t have the unconditional attention of their Mother in the closing years of her life… that can’t be substituted for them by replaying another Katie Couric or Oprah Winfrey or Larry King interview of their Mom. It is a lost opportunity slaughtered on the altar of celebrity.
Maybe now Mrs Edwards can rest in peace –and we can learn, in some part, to correct our society’s fascination with the pornography of grief.
We probably won’t take that challenge –we’ll just get more dewy-eyed TV celebrity reporters harking back on the tragic life Mrs Edwards was “forced” to live in the public glare. Pornography of grief indeed.
Comment by Michigan-Matt — December 8, 2010 @ 9:41 am - December 8, 2010
It is extremely difficult for me to grasp why the passing of Ms. Edwards is of greater importance than the death of the nameless local woman in our hospital who died alone last night from the same causes.
May both rest in peace.
(If I seem to be agreeing with Michigan-Matt, it is because I am.)
Comment by Heliotrope — December 8, 2010 @ 9:59 am - December 8, 2010
[...] More posts on Elizabeth Edwards at The Lonely Conservative and GayPatriot. [...]
Pingback by Heartbreaking: Elizabeth Edwards Has Died of Breast Cancer at 61… Rest in Peace (video) « Frugal Café Blog Zone — December 8, 2010 @ 10:05 am - December 8, 2010
Helio, thanks for the comment –I was certain my candor and departure from Dan’s theme would attract the usual band of suspects taking issue with the comments just for the sake of taking issue with anything MM.
Thanks.
Comment by Michigan-Matt — December 8, 2010 @ 1:12 pm - December 8, 2010
I’m not sure I follow, ModerateMatt. Aside from the campaigns and the stories about her douche nozzle husband, how much in the limelight has she been in? After the last kerfuffle died down, she disappeared presumably to give that unconditional attention to her children and family. Between the last campaign and Breck Girl Gate, she was mostly unseen.
I get your point and agree with it to an extent, but as far as I know, she really hasn’t been in the limelight all that much lately.
Comment by ThatGayConservative — December 8, 2010 @ 4:44 pm - December 8, 2010
TGC, take a look at the net portfolio on EE… post scumbag spouse revelations. She did the book(s) thing, the book promotions, the endless interviews with all the preening TV hosts, etc. She did a speaking tour for hire even tho’ her trial lawyer, ambulance chasing Democrat lowlife hubbie was taking care of her every financial need… she was chasing the limelight and media attention –not attending to her fractured, suffering family.
She started to stay home when the docs told her the travel and stress was eating into the small gains of therapy… in July, 2009.
Comment by Michigan-Matt — December 8, 2010 @ 5:43 pm - December 8, 2010
Now Aretha Franklin has pancreatic cancer.
Comment by ThatGayConservative — December 8, 2010 @ 6:41 pm - December 8, 2010
Heliotrope, I agree with point as quoted.
Having said that: It could be said of a lot of public figures, whose passings are noted. Also, remarking in general (not slamming you): I am not sure that the comments section of a post written to praise the good aspects of the deceased Ms. Edwards is necessarily the best place for anybody to rehearse their somewhat low-ish opinion of her. It might just underline the post’s main point: that grace and class are important qualities, which the world could always use more of.
Comment by ILoveCapitalism — December 8, 2010 @ 7:49 pm - December 8, 2010
“Seane-Anna, best wishes to you with your treatment.”
Thank you, Neptune. I’ll be done with my treatment on December 17, just in time for Christmas. I couldn’t ask for a better gift, and my hair is starting to grow back, too. Who knew peach fuzz could be so beautiful!
Comment by Seane-Anna — December 8, 2010 @ 9:44 pm - December 8, 2010
“Now Aretha Franklin has pancreatic cancer.”
For real, TGC? That’s awful. My brother’s brother-in-law died of pancreatic cancer. Sending up prayers for the Queen of Soul.
Comment by Seane-Anna — December 8, 2010 @ 9:50 pm - December 8, 2010
ILC:
Point taken. Agreed.
Comment by Heliotrope — December 8, 2010 @ 10:02 pm - December 8, 2010
God bless and Godspeed Seane-Anna. Sorry to hear you’re going through that, but I hope your recovery will be quick and full.
Comment by American Elephant — December 8, 2010 @ 11:21 pm - December 8, 2010
I also thought of you Seane-Anna when the news broke about Elizabeth Edwards and hoping things were going better for you. My father is also getting treatment and seems to be responding well so, as I know you are, I am grateful for another holiday with family. Best wishes for the new year.
Comment by PopArt — December 8, 2010 @ 11:24 pm - December 8, 2010
I’m saddened but not entirely surprised about Aretha because of her family history. Her younger and older sisters each passed away from cancer. More prayers for her.
Comment by PopArt — December 8, 2010 @ 11:27 pm - December 8, 2010
I’m more inclined to agree with Heliotrope and MM. I’ve been following the discussion of this topic over at Althouse, and I view the media’s attempt to turn Elizabeth Edwards into some kind of saint as of a piece with the same kind of ridiculous overkill that followed the death of Princess Diana.
Comment by Kurt — December 9, 2010 @ 12:45 am - December 9, 2010
Seane-Anna, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1997 and is still going strong today, able to enjoy the seven grandchildren she then had — and the seven others born since her diagnosis.
From my mother’s experience, I know this is not an easy process, but wish you a treatment as successful as she had — and the support of family and friends at this trying time.
Comment by B. Daniel Blatt — December 9, 2010 @ 1:40 am - December 9, 2010
#27 My mom’s was diagnosed in 1992. She found the lump, the next day she was in the hospital having a mastectomy. Now she’s got a granddaughter due the end of January.
Comment by ThatGayConservative — December 9, 2010 @ 4:00 am - December 9, 2010
What I find curious is how Elizabeth Edwards death may not only have stirred folk in many emotional ways, for it was a common thread in many people’s lives, but it also was a catalyst of change within this mini -social circle of GP. My partner lost his mother at age 10 back in the late 60′s when people hadn’t even started to whisper ‘cancer’. He and his siblings weren’t even allowed in the hospital room.
7 years ago my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer and was fortunate to have a surgeon who was skilled enough to allow my mother keep most of her body intact. and after successful radiation burst therapy, she is doing well. When my dad called me to tell me of the diagnosis, he replied- I will let your mother talk about this, it’s female issues.
And now, it is interesting, even through the often sterile process of internet communication of bloggin’ and commenting, it is amazing that there seems to be a wonderful sense of compassion for Seanne Anna, when in the past there has been a sense of frustration and even intolerance tossed back at her. (including myself)
Cancer was not talked about. . . then it was a whisper in the company of women, then was pulled to the dining room table. . .and now we have walks, candlelit runs, 3 day marches, and so many people are surviving.
Good Luck Seane Anna.
Comment by rusty — December 9, 2010 @ 8:33 am - December 9, 2010
I’m not sure that “She was nicer than Medea” is really the best way to eulogize somebody!
Comment by Throbert McGee — December 9, 2010 @ 9:16 am - December 9, 2010
Kurt @ #26, agreed and welcome to the growing group of respectful people questioning whether or not the appellation of “classy” fits Mrs Edwards’ conduct in light of her presence in the public spotlight.
Mrs Bush 41 once remarked –and got similarly slammed for it– to a group of Wellesley College grad gals… “At the end of your life, you will never regret not having passed one more test, not winning one more verdict or not closing one more deal. You will regret time not spent with a husband, a friend, a child, or a parent.” I guess you could add, done one more interview with Katie or Oprah or Larry or Matt or Harry or Barbara WaWa. Of course, Mrs Bush 41 is tarred as an elite by some here, so pardon my reference to her and bringing her into the discussion.
The pornography of grief is a condition that elicits strong, deep personal reactions for some -and for those capitalizing on it, it’s about profit and advantage. In the latter case, the need to appear empathetic with that grief is more about ego, TV ratings and selling than it is about attending to the important things –as pointed out by Mrs Bush 41.
I don’t hold any animus toward Mrs Edwards except that, by her actions, she gave in to the pornography of grief that captures our culture and trivializes true grief and disrespects truly classy conduct.
No offense to those who contend Mrs Edwards was somehow “bringing cancer” out of the closet –she wasn’t, she didn’t, there’s zero stigma attached to speaking about diseases like cancer. Betty Ford may have done that –40 yrs ago. Not Mrs Edwards in 2007.
The youngest Edwards’ boy is about 11 now. I can tell you as a Dad and a parent, that 9, 10 or 11 yr old boys need their parents’ comfort a whole lot more than a nanny or stand-in… and with the clock ticking for a parent, it’s even more critical. The first lesson in parenting –you’re there for a reason. Be the best parent possible and don’t abdicate that role to anyone if life’s clock is ticking to a close.
I’m sorry for the children of the Edwards’. I hope their future isn’t determined by the legacy created by their Mom or Dad and the pornography of grief they so willingly engaged… we don’t need another set of Kennedy kids growing up in the post-Camelot twilight of media attention.
Comment by Michigan-Matt — December 9, 2010 @ 9:32 am - December 9, 2010
Michigan-Matt:
You have said much that is true. There is a strange, if not strained, need to drag the casket down the street. The old horse drawn hearses had crystal windows so you could see the casket as it rode by. Oliver Twist was hired as a professional child mourner to lead the procession. The parlor of the 1800′s was fitted out with black horse hair upholstered furniture and was used to hold the casket. It was generally not used for any other purpose, save when the minister came for tea. If a baby died, the family often had a “post-mortem” photograph taken, because there was little money available for photographs of the live child.
In the early 1900′s, Edwin Bok, the editor of The Ladies Home Journal declared that the parlor be used as a “living room” for all to enjoy and that it should be open and bright and a place for vibrant family life.
Our funeral customs have changed over the years, but we still “enjoy” a good public airing of death and loss. When someone of tabloid fame dies, the tabloids naturally roll out the crepe. I am still baffled by the Farrah Fawcett way of death and subsequent choice to accommodate it.
Suffice it to say, Elizabeth Edward’s days were numbered and many in the media were glued to the countdown clock. Then there was a rush to capitalize on the moment and to gush and pander and make much of not very much more than the inevitable truth. I suspect that had she not passed on with “class” and “dignity” that the press coverage would have been equally as intense. Go figure.
Funerals are for the living. Some part of us needs the catharsis. And the tradition is that we not speak ill of the dead. Mark Twain wrote of the need to know when to use a comma. He told of man who either said: “Good God, he’s dead.” or “Good, God, he’s dead.” There is a certain need for “manners” and restraint when speaking of a recent death. But, we can not erase our inner thoughts.
Comment by Heliotrope — December 9, 2010 @ 11:23 am - December 9, 2010
Heliotrope, I didn’t know that about the origin of “living room”. Interesting.
A lot of what happens when a public figure passes is tribal: People needing to see and agree with each other that yes the princess really did pass. And subsequently, to mark the passage of time in their own lives. Edwards was a public figure, like her or not.
Comment by ILoveCapitalism — December 9, 2010 @ 11:43 am - December 9, 2010
In some ways, EE’s death can serve as a catharsis too.
When I lost my partner, I didn’t have time to grieve properly. I was too busy taking care of our affairs, protecting myself from evil-bitch-sister and her marauding band. Even though Phil Harris died before her, their deaths were frightenly similar. It wasn’t until last month (I lost her in April) that I could watch the final episode of After the Catch dedicated to Phil. I bawled like a baby. (I’m tearing up as I write this) It’s still hard, but celebrating his life and his legacy, and mourning *his* death, helps me to deal with my loss.
Elizabeth Edwards wasn’t a saint. She was human however, and unlike truly eviL people, should be mourned.
Did she spend time on interviews? Maybe. But if she believed she did it for raising awareness, then we shouldn’t condemn her out of hand.
Comment by The_Livewire — December 9, 2010 @ 11:44 am - December 9, 2010
Good points all, Helio; LiveW.
I guess being a parent comes 1st (or ought to) and the attention to legacy and pursuit of the limelight, a very distant 4th, 5th, or 6th. Even more so in a tragic public life like Mrs Edwards’.
Comment by Michigan-Matt — December 9, 2010 @ 6:21 pm - December 9, 2010
Gosh, you guys are gonna make me cry! Thank you so much for your support, encouragement, and compassion, especially since I haven’t always been the most angelic commenter here.
PopArt, I’m sorry to hear about your Dad but I’m thrilled that he’s doing well with his treatment. My Dad lost his battle with cancer nearly six years ago. I’m praying that you’ll have many more years with your father.
B. Daniel, I’m also thrilled for you that your Mom is a survivor. Tell her to keep on enjoying those 14–count ‘em, 14!–grandchildren.
American Elephant and Rusty, thanks for routing for me. I hope cancer never has and never will touch you or your loved ones. But if, God forbid, it ever does I’ll be the first one praying for you.
Thanks again to all of you. Your compassion and encouragement are greatly appreciated.
Love,
Seane-Anna
Comment by Seane-Anna — December 9, 2010 @ 7:21 pm - December 9, 2010
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