Many of us, including yours truly, often challenge our liberal friends’ comments and links on Facebook, generally engaging in intelligent exchanges, but sometimes in exchanges of insults. In a handful of cases, we suddenly find a partisan adversary has silently “de-friended” us, other times we finds ourselves subject to a barrage of insults accusing us of narrow-mindedness, self-hatred or even racism.
The other day, a gay conservative lamented on Facebook that it had . . .
Been a rough year with politics! Lost friends of 20 years and more because of Obama. Went from everybody liked being around me to the outcast with very few gay friends. Attacks have been very personal. Kinda blue here.
And he’s not the only one — as indicated by the comment thread. One man reported that a friend had told him he “deserved [his] heart attack for opposing Obamacare.” Another wrote that at a gay and lesbian film festival (not in LA), he and his partner sponsor:
People will be openly hostile to me and my partner (we’re both conservative). Very few are what I would even call tolerant. I continue to be a sponsor of the film festival because it is my last remaining tie to the gay commnunity. Without it, I have ZERO contact with the gay “community” – and my circle of gay friends is only a few. When I was a lib I had literally dozens of gay friends and was quite known in the gay community at the time.
Interesting that with a few notable exceptions, I have had almost the exact opposite experience at Outfest, the gay and lesbian film festival here in LA. Most folk there continue to treat me with respect even after learning of my political leanings.
Another participant in the thread had not been so fortunate. Three “so-called good friends” of another gay man told him “they could not be friends [because of his] dislike of B.O.” From their attitude, he gleaned “they were not true friends, because all of my true friends, while we do not agree politically, we accept it, and move on” — which is what most of us experience.
What is sad and disturbing about all this is the extent to which some gay and lesbian activists (and individuals) have so politicized their identity that toeing the left-wing line becomes for them part of what it means to be gay.
But, we do learn from this. And through it, we come to appreciate the real meaning of friendship. The narrow attitudes of these ex-friends helps us realize that in a pinch we couldn’t count on them. If they would abandon us over political differences, what other trivial matters might cause a rupture in the relationship?
As we express disbelief as their shallowness, we grow to appreciate even more those liberal friends who enjoy badgering us about our politics, but continue to support us in other endeavors and stand by us in times of great need.
I got unfriended on Facebook just for suggesting that Rick Santorum was entitled to a modicum of civility.
I’ve had several FB friends unfriend me over politics. As far as I can tell, it’s mostly because they don’t like the fact that I constructed valid arguments based on actual data and defensible premises. C’est la vie. ..bruce..
It’s also part of the ‘junior high’ mindset of the left; enforcing conformity to the clique by making outcasts of those who dare to think independently.
My husband and I were unfriended over the Tim Tebow Super Bowl ad. My husband had the audacity to ask why it was extreme for a woman to decide to risk her life to have a child. This friends response was essentially to harass him for daring to comment on her status. I defended his right to say something in a comment thread that was open to the public. We were both defended and blocked by someone we had been friends with for over a decade.
I decided that this “friend” had spent too much time in an echo chamber (she’s very active in local Dem politics) and forgot that people can have other opinions.
It seems to me my leftist friends speak/comment in some kind of language akin to corporate speak. “Anti-gay,” “hate,” “racist,” and other terms are thrown around but with no specific definition. To them hate = disagree with the leftist position on an issue.
I also don’t know what their Republican Derangement Syndrome is all about. Any time, any Republican says ANYTHING they disagree with they start posting links to leftist publications and spewing the “anti-gay,” “hate” and getting all worked up.
What is it that they fear so much about Republicans? Do they REALLY think that if a Republican gets elected they are going to be rounded up and put in camps or killed?
Do they not get the difference between a personal opinion on a matter and how somebody would govern? Probably not, since they constantly use the government to impose their beliefs on the people.
Whether one is lashed by the strawboss’s whip, or a former friend’s words, scars form.
It is better to refine one’s personal definition what constitutes a friend than to accept society’s concept that anyone who’ll talk to you is a friend. One have fewer friend, but they thrive over a lifetime.
Actually, I just thought about this.
Recently a Facebook friend posted a link to a CNN interview with Jimmy LaSalvia and Chris Barron about being banned from CPAC.
During the interview they even rebuked Santorum on his comments on gays.
It didn’t matter.. in addition to the typical self-loathing comments, friends of this poster made personal attacks on the physical appearance of the Barron and LaSalvia.
Now come on… here are two gay men trying to affect change in the Republican party and repudiate what Rick Santorum said. Shouldn’t they be applauded?
Not for the gay left.
Again – What is this fear? I’m wondering if the deep down the left realizes that when they don’t have issues like gay marriage anymore, the homosexual community might wake up and actually agree with the Republicans on issues of liberty and fiscal responsibility.
We do know that about a third of gays vote Republican.
It’s part of the Left’s groupthink.
“What is sad and disturbing about all this is the extent to which some gay and lesbian activists (and individuals) have so politicized their identity that toeing the left-wing line becomes for them part of what it means to be gay.”
It’s not just gay and lesbian activists, liberalism tends to subsume everything else in some liberals lives. For them, it’s not only A personal characteristic, it’s THE personal characteristic.
I’ve been personally attacked on GP by many conservative commenters. Sometimes, it’s not pleasant. Other times, I just try to laugh.
I’m hetero but I had a transgender “friend” I’ve known since grammer school defriend me on facebook this week because I replied to a post someone made about the hypocracy over Rush Limbaugh.
As a “straight” conservative, I can assure all here that it is NOT just the venom of the left targeted to my gay and lesbian conservative friends. I have not totally figured it out yet, but I think that most of my Facebook friends are on the other side. I get into more mindless arguements with them than I can count. I try not to get overly political on Facebook, but sometimes I just have to. Defending Rush. Like wasps on honey, they come after me. And I will tell you what is really sad is how they do not even hide the fact that they sound alike. They write the same phrases. It is like they all got their talking points from the same place. They have a hard time thinking for themselves and end up sputtering. So far, thankfully, I have not lost a Facebook friend over poltiics. But it may happen as we get further into this election season.
I knew a left-leaning guy recently, who acted out nasty on this blog, when he didn’t find enough agreement and attention from its conservative-leaning commentors. It was disappointing. But, it was his choice.
its not just a gay issue. it occurs in race, gender, nationality, even age minority group political differences also.
it appears that the dominant groups are more tolerent of political differences in their groups than minority groups.
Gee, life is soo hard being a gay conservative being surrounded by gay liberals who “hate” you.
If America is a center-right country, and yet you choose to move into a “gay liberal ghetto” like West Hollywood, San Francisco, etc. then don’t be surprised that gay liberals (who are the majority in those places) don’t warm up to you.
Of course you can live in a small town in Oklahoma or Nebraska (or anywhere where there are no liberals) and see how conservatives treat an openly gay person. Where are all of those heartwarming stories on this blog about conservatives in rural, Midwestern or Southern, Republican-dominated areas embracing gay conservatives?
GOProud’s new friend, “Joe the Plumber” has said, on the record, that he doesn’t want you (even gay conservatives) anywhere near his children.
And even Hollywood conservatives like Chuck Norris & Kirk Cameron think that gay conservatives are “unnatural” and “ultimately destructive to society”. And that even includes North Dallas Thirty. Yes, Kirk Cameron believes that NDT is “unnatural” and “detrimental” to civilization. But he “loves you” (as long as you “change”).
How are the reparative therapy sessions going?
I’m frequently accused of expecting “Ideological Conformity” in my conservatism. I guess a case could be made that it is true but it seems to me that there is a world of difference in American conservatism and it’s ideals for society than the left that isn’t even based in American ideals.
Richard, I commented on the double standard, too and was “unfriended” and received a tongue lashing.
#15 – James, the upper west side of Manhattan is full of progressive democrats who’s children have no friends who are LGBT or a color other than white.
#17 – Az mo in NYC, I was spared the “tongue lashing” but not the hurt feeling of losing a friend.
#12 – Mark, it’s like a hive of honey bees, all of the same hive mind.
The hilarious part about you, James, is that we can show the world exactly what you and your fellow liberal gays are saying.
Your trying to claim that people everywhere else are homophobes is a classic abuser’s tactic, James; you control your victims and force them to stay in a bad situation by lying to them about how everyone else feels about them.
So you lie to people and then you tell them that it’s better for them to kill themselves than to disagree with you.
Worse, since you claim your sexual orientation makes you act the way you do, you make it clear that being gay means you are an abuser who tells people to kill themselves over their political affiliation.
Comment by Mark J. Goluskin:
The funny thing is that this, almost word for word, is how a great many conservatives come across when they talk to left of center people.
I’m coming to think it isn’t a problem primarily with one side any longer, if it ever was. This syndrome seems to have infected the entire body politic. Not every individual, but far too many.
This is what happens when people forget that being gay is a biological condition, not a political fashion. Begin gay can — and should — be separate and separated from political opinion.
James @ 15 proves Dan’s point about the utter inability of liberal gays to tolerate other viewpoints so well.
I don’t like B.O. or body odor at all.
To Mark, commentor #12. They often write the same phrases simply because it was on The Huffington Post or Media Matters web site. It’s easier to copy and paste than have an original thought. But when I go onto comments with Townhall.com, some right wing nut jobs are the same way. It is a lack of education that forces dimwits to pander and demagogue.
Things really haven’t changed much.
The only time I’ve EVER been physically-assaulted in a gay bar was over twenty-five years ago coming to the verbal-defense of a local GOP politician in a heated conversation in our local gay bar over some controversy in the Philly suburbs…that didn’t even involve the gay community. Once I self-identified as a conservative Republican in the debate I was spat-upon and verbally-assaulted ’til I decided to immediately leave for my personal safety.
I lost a friend of 20 years back in 1999 due to my homosexuality. I was very angry and sad, but it was a long time coming. In this case, I had been out to him for 13 years. What ended our friendship was the fact he was a Pentacostal minister in a small town in east Texas. As the years progressed, he was always spewing Biblical verses, trying to convert me to his sect rather than my Presbyterianism. It wasn’t about being gay, per se. I listened but finally said that this was not for me. And if I ever brought up that I was going on a date or something gay, he would say he didn’t want to hear about it. In the end, we were two ships passing in the night. It was a shame because both of us were conservative Republicans and shared many common traits about the outdoors, nature, golf. But it wasn’t meant to be.
I often post political content on my Facebook page, but have yet to lose any real friends over the said content. It’s a weird combination of comic book knowledge, horror & B-movies & Conservative politics.
Not to equate the alientations, but when my family decided to go republican back in the days of Reagan, we were basically thrown out of national Jewish community organizations. It has not changed for any Jewish republican to this day, to the point that my family even left our Temple because we felt so unwelcome. So members of the LGBT community are not the only ones that need lessons in democracy, civility or lack any amount of class.
Another time on Facebook, I commented on a friends post that if it came down to a choice between a politician who shared my views on the economy but disagreed with me on gay marriage and a politician who agreed with me on gay marriage but was wrong on economics, I’d vote for the former. My friend didn’t comment, but several of his friends claimed that my position meant that I hated gays.
Such is the mentality of the left, I’m afraid.
Bruce, great post, I have this problem everyday in my supposively “diverse” town. We had our own FB war this past weekend over the Rush issue. I posted on my own blog http://www.ptownpatriot.com.
What I love about Dan’s title is that it plugs into the whole “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade” thing. A self-responsible person can turn to advantage any adverse situation (short of being killed or maimed). The advice implied here is to use one’s nasty faux friends as ‘teachers’ who unwittingly help you to recognize your real friends and value them all the more.
I think ultimately it gives us an advantage. We know how leftists think, we know how they argue because 1. They wear their opinions on their sleeves, T-shirts, and bumper-stickers and 2. We are not afraid of them. They, because they bubble themselves off from opinions they disdain and the people that hold them, are caught flat-footed when an argument proceeds beyond the talking point stage.
Case in point, a liberal friend claimed there was no argument that could be made against gay marriage that wasn’t religious. I promptly gave him three reasons against it that had nothing to do with religion. Totally flummoxed him.
I think I accidentally drove my liberal little brother off of Facebook completely.
V, was that the post you ended up deleting? What ever post that was, it started to get really out of hand, and i didn’t see most of it.
BTW. John Carter is pretty good. Worth the regular ticket, but don’t know if I would pay for the 3-D price. judging from a couple of reviews I saw, you might enjoy it better if you hadn’t read the books, which was just my case.
I’ve been fortunate in that I don’t believe I’ve been defriended by anyone close for re-discovering my conservatism in 2010 though a handful of dropped from my friends list for unknown reasons. Some who knew me for over a decade as being heavily involved in gay rights organizations (I was recently even recognized for non-political volunteerism from early 2011) may be hoping I “find my way back.”
I had avoided anything overtly political on my Wall but then when the Tucsan massacre occured a good friend who knew of my vocal support for Sarah Palin since 2010 started posting on my Wall about how she was indeed responsible.
I made the decision then and there to form my own FB sub-group that would be devoted exclusively to political issues and leave my main Wall/Timeline for the large chunk of my being that isn’t political (music trivia, my cats, local New Jersey stuff, happens to be gay, etc.) and it has generally worked. It started with an almost equal amount of left and right leaning friends. While I sometimes have to ask one of my best friends from high school and staunchest conservative to avoid name calling those on the left who still post, it is interesting to note that the ones who dropped off over the year have been almost all on the left because they didn’t want to deal with the tone of the debate.
The first one to leave the day I formed it did so because of my first topic which I thought was light. I merely asked people to rate the recent presidents back through Jimmy Carter on a 1 – 100 scale. He couldn’t believe that I was ranking Obama below George W. Bush. Keep in mind that while I rated Obama 17 out of 100, I had rated George W. 19 out of 100, hardly a ringing endorsement.
At the end of WW2 many of the guys were marrying girls and bringing them home. A couple that I knew. Long after the war I was talking with couple gay ex-GIs who were kinda bitter because they could not marry overseas and bring their lover home.
Recently I was discussing same sex marrage with my very good gay friend. I said that one reasons that gays want to marry is because if they have a lover overseas that they could bring them home. He really told me off and it wasplain that he was very angry. I knew that it was no time to argue. We are now still the very best of friends. There are times to just keep silent.
Beyond the snark and cynicism, no one should identify with any group to the point where their being undergoes an existential crisis when separating/separated from that group.
Group norming techniques are thousands of years old, and yet folks are always surprised at their ‘friends’ (group co-members) intensity in applying the more negative techniques. Whether it’s Scientology or the Progressive GLBT community – folks escaping are always surprised.
I understand the bigotry behind the small-town Oklahoma crack. Being from there I know that gays are expected to follow the law, pay their debts, and not prey on children. It’s why Oklahoma is the reddest of the Red. Folks are required to make their own way. That there is offense that Joe the Plumber says no to homosexual pedophilia is more telling about the commenter than it does about Joe the Plumber.
I have lost ‘friends’ over stating what i believe. I lost one when she said (on the Fluke flam) that it was Georgetown’s obligation to take students and staff that agreed with their worldview. I told her I didn’t understand why she was saying that women needed to be protected from agreeing to commitments that they might make an informed choice.
Of course she accused me of ‘hating women’ I told my roommates (lesbian couple) and they laughed outloud.
What is too easy to forget with stuff like FB, is not everyone puts their private life out there, especially when it intercedes with others lives.
There’s a Captain America quote that I keep in mind when ‘friends’ threaten to unfriend me:
Don’t have your feelings hurt over this. Liberals just don’t like you, and we’re not about to start. You’re too selfish and heartless for us. Period. You’ll never understand that, no matter how many times we try to explain. So hang out with your own people and leave us alone.
Comment by The_Livewire — March 10, 2012 @ 3:46 pm – March 10, 2012
Right on, Livewire.
That is one of the things which I loathe most about liberals. They have taken what is a normal and healthy response — being willing to see other peoples’ points of view — and completely perverted it into the belief that you must follow other peoples’ points of view, or you are a bad person.
And they abuse this. They punish the successful, humiliate the productive, and attack those who do not support the stupid.
And thus does it begin; Obama Party leaders and representatives want Rush Limbaugh banned from public airwaves.
Just like the regimes they admire, it seems.
So many people on my list keep posting cat pictures. Even our resident crazy cat guy doesn’t hold a candle to these folks.
I can’t say that I’ve knowingly lost any friends. This one chick whom I couldn’t figure out how I got her in the first place booted me. I think she was a crazy Ronulan obsessively fixated on meaningless details about Rick Perry. She never would say why it was relevant or had any bearing as to why he shouldn’t be President, but she just kept beating that poor horse to death for several days.
I’m not kidding. She was obsessed.
the visceral hatred is amazing coming from the left. Truly they live in their own reality……
How a Post About Interracial Kissing Earned Me a Leftist Death Threat
Wilberforce, please read the post; and please tell me how you come to the conclusion that we’re selfish and heartless.
Thanks!
Well, duh; I mean, you and yours have made that particularly obvious.
Not to mention other things you and your fellow liberals say.
But all of that just heightens the hilarity of your cluelessness when you make statements like these.
Since liberals like Wilberforce tell people, especially teenagers who might read this blog, that their family hates them and that they should kill themselves, who exactly is the cruel or heartless one here?
Dan, my friend, the answer is very simply this: we are not doing what Wilberforce wants, so we are cruel, selfish, and heartless.
It’s not unlike a three-year-old screaming “I hate you!” or whining about how “mean” their parents are when they won’t buy them a toy/let them stay up all night/have just ice cream.
As liberals like Wilberforce, James, and Little Kiwi demonstrate, they don’t think it’s selfish, cruel, or hateful to tell people of any age, including teenagers, that their parents hate them and they should kill themselves. But if you dare to argue that any of them should pay for their own condoms, you are the equivalent of Hitler, Stalin, and Pol Pot rolled into one.
These are not rational people. They are adults with the mental and emotional capacities of three-year-olds, locked in their behavior pattern by indulgent and uncaring parents.
Amen, brother. On a side note, there might be doctoral dissertation in that…just sayin’.
There are 1.25 million Gay people who routinely vote Republican in national elections….and that includes McCain-Obama….Gingrich Revolution, 1994….according to the New York Times exit polls….but GOP Gay folk never seem smart enough to say there are over one-million Gays voting GOP these days…Gay Right is often so easy to walk and stomp on…I remember Gay journalists admitting that probably 40% of Gays voted for Reagan and Popa Bush…
I now have far more straight conservative friends than queer friends.
And I couldn’t be happier about that.