Columbia University’s Climate Center has received $5.7 million from the National Science Foundation for the university’s “PoLAR Climate Change Education Partnership,” to “engage adult learners and inform public understanding and response to climate change.”
Based on the theory that games “motivate exploration and learning of complex material,” the school created “Future Coast,” a website that features hundreds of made up voicemails painting a dire picture of the future as a result of climate change.
Apparently, Climate Change will cause bad SyFy plots to come to life.
In 2037 macaroni and cheese is a delicacy. “We are really low on water and we’ve been harvesting the water but it’s not going to rain for another year and a half, and I really want to give Owen his favorite thing, macaroni and cheese,” a girl says in the message “Owen’s birthday.”
Some messages are indecipherable. In 2030 a man just repeats “don’t eat the bacon,” “don’t even think about it.”
People will live to 200 by 2064. A son plans a “special” surprise for his mother’s birthday, a hike in a terrarium since “nature no longer exists.”
And, of course, because tolerant left progressives are involved, there are stereotypes of people from ‘Flyover Country.’
One message, “Molly and Billy,” the characters use redneck stereotypes to talk about how climate change has ruined their crop.
“Howdy ya’ll, this is Molly,” she says in 2060. “And it’s pretty hot out here, we’re farming, me and Billy. Come to the phone Billy.”
“Dag nab it, Ma,” Billy says. “Oh these beetles, they ruined our crop again … I wish it was like it was the way it was.”
And, of course, what would any progressive propaganda piece be without pandering to Teh Gheys and bashing Teh Texans.
In 2035 “Neo-luddites” are “closing in.”
“It’s the Neo-luddites. Anybody who has any sort of scientific knowledge, they want to kill, so we have to pretend from now on that we know nothing,” a caller says. “Please tell me that you’ve gotten away from that place, I haven’t heard from you in a very long time.”
The capitol of the Neo-luddites appears to be Texas.
“The Neo-luddites are coming up from Texas, the Luddites, they hate everything,” a caller says. “They’re gonna wipe us out.”
I am sure there’s another voice mail where a shrieking voice warns of tornadoes full of sharks ravaging downtown Los Angeles.