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Global Warming Causes Infidelity

Posted by V the K at 7:05 pm - May 28, 2014.
Filed under: Climate Change (Global Warming)

Global Warming would be considered a threat to public morals, if there were any longer such a thing as public morals.

A new report blames global warming for rising rates of infidelity, especially bad news for couples in Miami, where rising tides and raging hurricanes remind us all how much extracurricular sex we could be having on a daily basis.

Victoria Milan, a dating website for people looking to cheat on their significant other, surveyed 5,000 of its members, both men and women. A shocking 72% of them responded that yes, their own Al Gore-esque stress about unpredictable weather is the cause of their extra-marital dalliances. Guess the fact of their existing committed relationships was just an inconvenient truth.

Survey respondents also reported that they’re more likely to sneak a little on the side in hot weather than in cold.

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5 Comments

  1. I guess that’s why Algore cheated on Tipper.

    Comment by Real American — May 28, 2014 @ 7:06 pm - May 28, 2014

  2. 72% of them responded that yes, their own Al Gore-esque stress about unpredictable weather is the cause of their extra-marital dalliances.

    Isn’t this in the Bible somewhere, as a sign of the End Times? 🙂

    Seriously, the sheer irresponsibility & stupidity of it makes me think of End Times, a little.

    Comment by ILoveCapitalism — May 28, 2014 @ 11:25 pm - May 28, 2014

  3. I just updated my okcupid profile to say “sad about global warming and need comforting” so we’ll see how this goes.

    Comment by chicago nick — May 29, 2014 @ 1:46 am - May 29, 2014

  4. 50% chance of rain means must go to the gay bathhouse/gym. Actually I heard a pretty good argument about how cold weather decreases gun crimes. When people get their guns out because someone was looking at their girl wearing a thong + titty tassels the cold air hitting their skin as they go for their gun makes them think twice.

    Comment by Steve — May 29, 2014 @ 10:39 pm - May 29, 2014

  5. Is that why king David had the hots for Bathsheba?

    Comment by Straight Aussie — June 2, 2014 @ 8:47 pm - June 2, 2014

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