Commenter Sean L laments the difficulty of finding a solid man in a world of “narcissistic brats.” Finding worthwhile companionship in the college and post-college years has always been a challenge. But there is reason to believe that it is harder for current twentysomethings. I have three sons in their twenties. All of them are straight, but one is quite Metrosexual and displays a lot of the shallow narcissism Sean L laments, although the rest of us just call it “Douchebaggery.” I am wondering where it comes from; why do so many 21st Century men want to be whining little pussies?
To me, the answer lies in the feminization of the culture. The culture we live in certainly prolongs adolescence and irresponsibility. It even extends into our laws, where 26 year olds are treated as children for purposes of Obamacare. Also, feminism and the sexual revolution have done a great deal to abolish masculinity, especially so on the blue coasts, but every part of the culture is feeling it. There have been a number of books on the subject, including the latest, Heavy Lifting: Grow Up, Get a Job, Raise a Family, and Other Manly Advice by NRO’s Jim Geraghty and radio talk-show host Cam Edwards.
Once upon a time, men in their twenties looked forward to settling down and having children.
Today, most young men seem infected by a widespread Peter Pan syndrome. Unwilling to give up the freedom to sleep late, play video games, dress like a slob, and play the field, today’s men wallow in an extended adolescence, ostensibly unaware that they’re setting themselves up for a depressing, lonely existence.
Feminists have made normal romance, courtship, and marriage a minefield of potential traps for the incautious male. There are no more rewards for growing up, only penalties. Does that explain the whole state of maleness today? Or are there other factors. I am just throwing this out there for conversation. I really don’t know.
When all collegiate men are treated as potential rapists, to the point where they are required to attend classes teaching them not to rape…
…when they are accused of rape in the press and when the accusation is discovered to be fraudulent, they are still held in suspicion and the accuser gets off without repercussion…
…when sex is compare to offering tea when it is more like a roller coaster that DOES have a point of no return…
…why should it surprise us that men are avoiding marriage?
I don’t think there’s any one reason why men are resorting to metrosexuality or the “game on, hook up, drop out” culture.
I agree that part of the problem is the feminization of culture. Metrosexuality is on the decline, and on the rise is spornosexuality (think David Beckham); men with lean-muscled bodies who lounge around, casting sultry, smoldering looks that most people would associate with female lingerie models. Men are being encouraged to display their sexuality via display, a method more typical of women up until now.
Additionally, men are feeling the consequences of women being taught that they can treat men as the wish to. Men have been raised to believe that women want sexless nice guys who work their butts off to provide for their every need, but then their girlfriends and wives cheat on them with tattooed, unemployed bad boys. Men find themselves forced to provide for their wives’ bastards. Universities now consider men asking women out on dates to be sexual harassment, and a woman deciding that a guy was a lousy lay to be rape. When getting intimate with a woman can destroy a man’s life, what else are they supposed to do for entertainment?
And there’s few incentives to have children if the courts automatically award custody to your (ex)wife even when she abandons you and takes the children and your house and your stuff…and you still paying the all bills like “normal”. Worse, she’s labeled you abusive or a pedo’ and you lose all rights…without a fair hearing.
Not being a parent…or having been married…I sometimes things that for Society’s interest in marriage and the children that is there are minor-children under 15 that even no-fault divorce should be really, really hard. And I don’t mean “New York State hard” which is just paperwork, delays and court access.
Again, this is why men go the MGTOW (Men Going Their on Way) route.
I think it starts early in life. On the playground. Boys are not allowed to rough-house like we used to do. Helicopter parents wrap their boys in bubble wrap so little Ethan doesn’t get a boo-boo. Removing all risks from life removes that edginess of being a boy. Blowing up matchbox cars with fireworks. Building stream damns that burst and flood a neighbors lawn. Night time “Man-hunt” in the woods. Backyard sleepovers. Biking to school. BB gun teams. Leaving the house at 9:00 AM and not having to report back into the house until dinner time. I did all of those things (I was 10 in 1970). Now all of those things would have had me drugged or removed from my parents.
Now… boys are in playgroups… camps… and other very controlled activities. When my oldest son was in 8th grade (1999), the school tried to make us get their permission and permission from the local law enforcement before we could him ride his bike to school (just a few miles and on country roads with a pack of other boys).
Its the sheer cost Tenn!
$900 for an xray that went nowhere, neighbors that would sue for a lawn makeover, and people who would call cps on you for the slightest mistake!
There’s a lot going on that is seriously inter-dependent.
But yes, I’m inclined to believe metro-sexuality is the result of contempt held for masculinity.
http://www.returnofkings.com/32248/the-dating-success-of-asian-women-is-due-to-white-obesity
Lonely lives, lonely deaths:
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/10/18/nyregion/dying-alone-in-new-york-city.html?_r=0
I think there’s more to “don’t want a fat wife” than aesthetics. Overweight tends to correlate with hormone deficiencies, which at the level of the instinct to find a fertile mate, is a redflag that they’re unlikely to reproduce. More immediately, hormone deficiencies generally mean she’s difficult to get along with (think PMS, all the time. Turns out PMS correlates really well with subclinical hypothyroidism.)
Side note: somewhere in the past couple decades, the “normal BMI” got shifted toward the heavy side. 18 used to be squarely in the middle of “normal”; now it’s “too thin”.
Um I don’t understand why a blog called “GayPatriot” is upset that what some consider to be the ideal of manliness is Pajama Boy.
I don’t know any man, unless he’s 10 years old or younger, who wears pajamas.
I don’t know any 10 year old men.
How many of us sat alone in a gay bar in the 90’s, and felt that tingle go up our leg when the DJ played this? Only to sigh and order yet another drink in bitterness after it finished?
Men want a woman who is respectful, loving, faithful, sexually available, willing and able to have and rear his children, and who will keep the home fires burning while he goes out and earns a living for everyone. Feminism says to women that these are all Bad Things, because patriarchy or some such thing. Result: none of my young male relatives are even considering marriage, and none among my own peer group (middle aged and recovering from undeserved divorces) are considering re-marriage. Yeah feminism!
http://www.latimes.com/nation/la-na-gay-navy-seal-20150529-story.html
http://mobile.nytimes.com/2015/11/08/us/gay-mormons-distressed-by-new-rules-on-same-sex-relationships.html?referer=https://www.google.com/
Society is schizophrenic when it comes to gender, declaring it nothing more than a social construct which must not be adhered to, yet celebrating overt displays of sexuality, often dependent upon the obvious differences between the sexes. The media currently almost unanimously admires two examples of “womanhood”: Caitlyn Jenner, a man in woman’s clothing, and Hillary Clinton, a woman who may become the next President of the United States, whose achievement was marrying the right man to get her where she wanted to go. I wonder, though, how much of an impact our fear of offending, which is largely a feminine ideal, will have on gender roles once the West permits more and more of unassimilating Islamic refugees to overtake the culture and bring about a truly medieval division of the sexes.
#11: Because gay men are the vanguard.
Even the bear community is getting feminized and metrosexual, kind of sucks
I would just like to point out that this is a false comparison. Back in WW2, there were self-serving candy-asses too. There were men who served in the military as clerks and drivers and never left the USA. And today, there are men with emotional, physical, and intellectual toughness. LOTS of them. So, it’s not as if the two examples you chose really identify a pattern of any kind.
Disagree. Certainly, there were pussyboys in the WWII Era, but they were not celebrated by the culture. The cultural icons of the period were decidedly masculine; John Wayne, Gary Cooper, Humphrey Bogart.
In contrast, today, the culture celebrates Caitlyn Jenner, Seth Rogan, and Pajamaboy. Big difference.
If Sean thinks that’s bad, try finding a gay that doesn’t do drugs in Miami or DC. I used to think Diogenes had it rough.
I always wanted to own a gay bar called the Diogenes Club. But today’s cultural illiterates wouldn’t recognize either historical references.
@21: “Back in WW2, there were self-serving candy-asses too. There were men who served in the military as clerks and drivers and never left the USA.”
Being a clerk or a driver, a cook or a barber doesn’t make you a candy ass. It makes you useful.
All who served deserve respect.
innocent bystander: agreed. I think the ratio at the time was 1 soldier in the field to 7 support and other people in the military keeping and getting him there. I believe it’s higher now.
V the K, I agree also with your general premise that popular society is no longer celebrating the traditional what makes men men–taking care of his family and friends and celebrating achievement in others. Nowadays it almost seems the reverse.
Just look at the way men have been portrayed on Television for the past 40+ years for your answer.
I think the shorter answer is, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”
What I find entertaining is how women swoon over so called “feminist” men who agree they should have abortions — seemingly missing the fact that their marching off to get an abortion neatly absolves Pajamaboy of the requirement to a) wear a 25-cent condom or b) pay child support while putting them in danger of a botched medical procedure and with a bill for several hundred dollars.