Prince passed away yesterday; you may not have been aware of this if you were in a coma or … no, there is no way you missed this news unless you were in a coma. I’m pretty sure deep in the bowels of solitary confinement in the Colorado SuperMax Terrorist Prison, Zacarias Moussaoui was heard mournfully humming “Raspberry Beret.” The news of Prince’s death even temporarily took the National Crisis of Transgender Bathrooms off the top of the hour news for a brief period.
It made me think of the other 1980’s icons who are getting up into AARP territory and … well, what’s going to happen when they die? Let’s speculate, won’t you?
- Bruce Springsteen will die someday, and then he will boycott Heaven when he discovers they don’t let dudes use the Ladies’ Room there.
- Bono will die someday, and wouldn’t you love to be at the Pearly Gates as he lectures God about the plight of African children.
- Morrissey will die someday, and finally manage not to be a pompous ass for five minutes.
- Madonna, I can just see her having herself taxidermied… perhaps using Japanese sex robot technology … and put on exhibit like Lenin or a venerated Catholic Saint… so she can still get attention after she’s dead. Judging by recent pictures, she has already begun this process.
- Cyndi Lauper, I am pretty sure when she dies, a lot of people are going to say, “Wasn’t she already dead? I feel like she died already.” Then, they will go to wiki and say, “Huh, I guess I must have been thinking of someone else. Well, she’s dead now.”
- Boy George probably will not require a whole lot of embalming, I’ll leave it at that.