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How Was Your Weekend?

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Went to Markoff’s Haunted Forest last night with three good friends and had an outstanding time. This is the sixth time I’ve gone, but easily the best time I’ve had there. The Super Full moon was the crowning touch of the evening. Also, I got pulled from my group and shoved down a mineshaft. MHF is just the best Halloween attraction I have ever been to.

Last year, we did the Ohio Haunted Prison (where the exteriors for The Shawshank Redemption were filmed) last year. The haunted prison itself was brilliantly done and definitely worth the price of admission. But Markoff’s wins hands down because you don’t wait in line for three hours (and that’s if you get there early) before getting in to see the scary stuff. At MHF, you get to hang around bonfires drinking hot cider and cocoa, watching flame jugglers, it’s like a big Hallowe’en party, and then they call your group and you go through the forest. There are two trails, and there always stupid liberal women yammering in line “Should we go on the other trail? Is the other trail better?” I like to think they ruined their evening by obsessing over the idea that the people in the other line had the better time.

My only thing about these attractions is my inability to suspend disbelief coupled with my hypervigilance. I walk into the ‘House of Scary Clowns’ for example, and I’m thinking, “They did a really nice job with the layout of this place. Note how the bright red eyes draw your attention upward, thus distracting your attention from the attack, which comes from the sides.”

Anyway, I hope you had a good weekend. I like to watch horror movies in October. These are some of my favorite scary/fun movies for the Season of the Lengthening Shadows. Feel free to critique or suggest your own.

  • Trick ‘R Treat — Multiple interlocking storylines and a werewolf orgy featuring Anna Paquin.
  • Young Frankenstein  — “What knockers.” “Oh, thank you, doctor.”
  • Dog Soldiers — Hunky soldiers versus Scottish werewolves.
  • Dead Space — Technically, a video game, but scary than most any movie and I usually play through on Halloween.
  • Black Sheep — I have a soft spot for cheesy movies, and they don’t come any cheesier.
  • Pet Sematary — It holds up well.
  • Shawn of the Dead — Who doesn’t love it? What, you’ve never seen it? Never? Well, FU, man.
  • Sleepy Hollow — Not a huge Johnny Depp fan, but this one works.
  • Darkness Falls — It’s a crappy movie, but it works for me.

Honorable Mention for Patrick Stewart’s most embarassing movie role. (Yes, even worse than Jeffrey.)  He played a space vampire. That’s right, a Space Vampire.

Comments

  3. @ Ted B.: Yeah, gonna have to confess that my mind went in a carnal direction, too.

    Call me stereotypical, but I have to throw The Rocky Horror Picture Show into the mix. Had the chance to watch a recording of the stage musical last year. I definitely think it’s one of those films that’s better if you’re drunk or very tired. Kitschy? Stereotypical? Yes, and I love it. I ain’t ashamed.

  5. ‘Young Frankenstein’ is on my Top Ten Movies List. The late great Kenneth Mars as Inspector Kemp is my favorite character. “A riot iss an ugly ting…before we go around killing peepill, we had better make DAMN SURE of our evidence.”

  6. Don’t get me started. Too late, you already have.

    for adults:

    The Uninvited (1944)
    Dead of Night (1945)
    The Body Snatcher (1945)
    The Thing From Another World (1951)
    Them (1953)
    Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956)
    Curse of the Demon (1958)
    Curse of the Werewolf (1961)
    The Haunting (1963)
    Five Million Years to Earth (1967)
    The Devil’s Bride (1968)
    The Vampire Lovers (1971)

    for little kids:

    Casper Meets Wendy
    Casper and Wendy Scare Up Some Fun
    Casper: Trick or Treat
    Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were Rabbit
    Monsters, Inc.
    Bedknobs and Broomsticks

    for kids 7-12:

    Scooby Doo and the Monster of Mexico
    Blackbeard’s Ghost
    Escape to Witch mountain
    Return From Witch Mountain
    War of the Worlds (1953)

    for teens and tweens:

    Horror of Dracula (1958)
    The Mummy (1959)
    Brides of Dracula (1960)
    The Pit & the Pendulum (1961)
    Jason & the Argonauts (1963)
    Evil of Frankenstein (1964)
    Masque of the Red Death (1964)
    Scream and Scream Again (1970)
    House of Dark Shadows (1970)
    Tales From the Crypt (1972)
    The Vault of Horror (1973)
    Something Wicked This Way Comes (1983)
    Gremlins (1984)
    Scooby Doo (2002)
    Scooby Doo: Monsters Unleashed (2004)

    comedies:

    The Ghost Breakers (1940) (Bob Hope)
    You’ll Find Out (Kay Kyser, Boris Karloff, Bela Lugosi, Peter Lorre)
    Spooks (Three Stooges short subject)
    Master Minds (Bowery Boys)
    Abbott & Costello Meet Frankenstein
    Abbott & Costello Meet the Mummy
    The Raven (1963) (Karloff, Lorre, Vincent Price)
    The Ghost and Mr. Chicken (Don Knotts)
    Young Frankenstein

    cartoon shorts:
    Magoo Meets Frankenstein
    Hair-Raising Hare (Bugs Bunny)
    Broomstick Bunny (Bugs Bunny)
    Trick or Treat (Donald Duck)

    so bad they’re good:

    Robot Monster
    Attack of the 50-Foot Woman
    Plan 9 From Outer Space

  8. […] there always stupid liberal women yammering in line […]

    And you know this how? Do they talk about their abortions/love for Hillary (or Joyce Carol Oates)/how awful Donald Trump is?

  9. I can remember when being “shoved down in the Mineshaft” implied something ENTIRELY different.

    Oh Ted, you make yourself sound soooo old!

    Never got to do any of the cheesy (as in rough & tough pretentious) bars or bathhouses (and yes, I’m aware that they still exist in some locales).

    I definitely think it’s one of those films that’s better if you’re drunk or very tired.

    Or if you are attending a ‘enhanced performance’. In major cities there’s usually a theatre which hosts regular showings of TRHPS with cast performances, which are usually quite good (as long as they don’t get carried away).

    True story: I first saw TRHPS when a freshman in college. It had been out a couple of years, but was still ‘new’ enough that it hadn’t gained cult status yet. The theatre showing it was the local outlet of a regional chain. Admission came with all sorts of warnings like “no squirt guns” “no toilet paper” “attendees must remain seated during the showing” etc. I wondered what the eff that was all about; who brings toilet paper to a movie, anyway?! It wasn’t until I moved to a large city post-college that I found out. That theater operator was such a spoil sport!

    NB: My Twitter timeline is full of adverts for the revival of TRHPS on FOX October 20th. Starring Laverne Cox as Dr Frank-N-Furter and a special appearance by Tim Curry as the Narrator/Criminologist. Allegedly they are using the original script.

  11. 28 Days Later is one of my favorites except for the cheesy, sellout ending. The Evil Dead is great for campy laughs. But the real horror show starts on Inauguration Day.

  13. I saw TRHPS for the first time a few years ago. The onstage antics of the people “presenting it” were obnoxiously over the top, and I didn’t really care for the movie much either. (Susan Sarandon is such a leftist tool, she is unwatchable for me). Apparently, I’m too old, and I hadn’t drunk enough beforehand. Plus the couple, guy and girl making out in the seats in front of us for the entire first half was beyond distracting. I didn’t know someone could grope and French kiss that long without an eruption occurring. The guy got up and left at intermission and did not return. My friends and I breathed a sigh of relief. That is until the woman started macking on the woman sitting next to her for the entire second half. I wanted to give the chick some Chapstick at the end of the show. I’m sure she needed it. (And a new underwire bra, that thing got mangled!)

  14. Some great Horror choices (most are the obvious):

    Phantasm
    Suspiria
    The Exorcist
    The Fog
    Scream
    Halloween
    Night of the Living Dead
    Carrie

    and of course It’s The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown.