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Crazed, Elderly Woman Threatens Hillary Supporters with Sex

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Madonna, your sell-by date was 1990. Why are you even still alive?

Madonna teamed up with Amy Schumer last night to give the 2016 US Presidential election a fresh twist.

Her Madgesty told the crowd: “If you vote for Hillary Clinton I will give you a blowjob. I’m really good. I’m not a douche, and I’m not a tool. I have eye contact and I do swallow.”

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Any Schumer, by the way, is angry at her audience for booing and walking out when she went off on a tirade against Donald Trump. She claims — I am not making this up — the audience disrespected her right to “free speech” by walking out on her.

So now we know how the left defines free speech: As the obligation to listen to a zoftig feminist lecture you on her opinions.

Comments

  6. Trump overheard saying “grab ’em by the kittycat” and we’re to head for the fainting couch. This tart promises BJs and that’s progressive.

    Was Bill in the area?

  9. I seem to recall that when Barry Humphries performed as “Dame Edna Everage,” his sidekick was an actual elderly woman named “Madge.” (She was understood to be the ugly bridesmaid who made Edna look more fabulous.)

  10. Also, the “I do swallow” comment illustrates, to me, the gap between the sexes. Women write to sex-advice columnists: “Do I have to swallow?”, whereas gay men — at least in the early years of the AIDS epidemic, before it was understood that the virus rarely spreads orally — would ask, “Is it okay if I swallow?”

    Or, in other words, “Of course you swallow, you silly bint! The stuff is even better than chocolate-bacon pizza!”

  12. For what it’s worth, I never swallow.

    Um, getting back onto the topic at hand: to be honest, I don’t think Amy Schumer is an ugly woman. Definitely voluptuous, but let’s be honest, we’ve all seen a lot of women who are much fatter than she is. On looks, I would give her a 5-7: not the most stunning woman in the world, but you could certainly do worse. She looks like your average middle-class housewife: not a knock-out, but obviously appealing enough to get a mate, and the 2-3 kids she has show on her build.

    What makes her ugly in my book is her sense of humor. Yeah, “vagina” can work as a punchline if you time it right, but when it’s your only punchline, it gets… stale.

    Hey, she thinks selfie sticks are a “vile” invention. So she can’t be all bad.

  19. Peter H, stop. They call themselves “feminist against Trump” then say that shit life female empowerment. Then attack milania trump and say,she was an escort,but if she was for Hillary it would be ok otherwise, GASP. While holding their heroes Bill Clinton and Lena Dunham.
    And Cher, wtf with that outfit? No one wants to see that old shit. Damn, you could both be my grandma. You go and be vibrant, but have some dignity. Be role models for Christ sake.