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“Rape Horticulture”

February 14, 2018 by V the K

I initially mistook him for a serious lefty, but Tyler Baines-Cadbury is my new favorite troll.

A reminder on Valentines Day that flowers cannot consent to being picked. What’s more, offering mutilated plant genitals to a female in exchange for access to her genitals is profiting directly from rape culture. This is known as rape horticulture.

 

Rape Horticulture is a serious issue that affects 95% of all flowers at some point in their lives.

 

When you can literally go to the countryside and be surrounded by whole fields of rape, that’s when you understand that as a society we still have a long way to go.

 
I will send him money.

Filed Under: Humor

Comments

  1. Ignatius says

    February 14, 2018 at 10:53 am - February 14, 2018

    *zing!* [Jokes about leading a whore to culture soon to follow.]

  2. Cyril J. says

    February 14, 2018 at 11:13 am - February 14, 2018

    Witty.

  3. Cyril J. says

    February 14, 2018 at 11:19 am - February 14, 2018

    It’s definitely hard to tell what is satire these days.

  4. salg says

    February 14, 2018 at 11:24 am - February 14, 2018

    well i’m a vegetable rights advocate and have long criticized the inhuman treatment of vegetables by vegetarians.

  5. Cyril J. says

    February 14, 2018 at 11:28 am - February 14, 2018

    Plot twist: the Tyler guy is an anti-SJW pretending to be a SJW doing satire of anti-SJWs doing satire of SJWs.

    Either that, or the opposite.

    Infinite loop.

    That’s the height of a software bug in my domain.

    In math, that’s the absurd contradiction.

    Darn. How did we get there with flowers vs Valentine’s Day?!

  6. Cyril J. says

    February 14, 2018 at 11:57 am - February 14, 2018

    @5 in comp. sci. and math, of course, the solution to get out of the absurd is well known, since Godel, Church, Turing, et al.

    Look for the thing that makes the fixpoint non-terminating or totally absent.

    The thing that is nowhere properly defined.

    Above, that’s all encompassed in the “SJ” strict prefix.

    Q.E.D.

  7. Cyril J. says

    February 14, 2018 at 12:14 pm - February 14, 2018

    @6 Oh, and one of the really hard metaphysical questions the pessimistic-me regularly ponders about on that matter is,

    what’s the more harmful — an inexistent or a non-terminating fixpoint?

    In comp. sci., we really only have the latter kind to worry about (you need some little hands to build the stoopid iPhone first before you get a chance to complain how the game it runs, eg, sucks the whole damn battery).

    In math, they have both, you just need to choose between classical and intuitionistic logic to get rid of the one you find too lame to bother about.

    But, in philosophy, I suspect there are both also — and that’s probably the tough nut to crack as to figure out which will shove your sorry body in the ditch first.

  8. TheQuietMan says

    February 14, 2018 at 2:45 pm - February 14, 2018

    But are they free-range flowers?

  9. Sathar says

    February 14, 2018 at 7:34 pm - February 14, 2018

    Funny, he doesn’t look Druish.

  10. Cyril J. says

    February 14, 2018 at 8:33 pm - February 14, 2018

    @1

    A rich Beverly Hills woman got very angry at her maid. After a long list of stinging remarks about her shortcomings as a cook and housekeeper, she dismissed the maid.

    The maid couldn’t allow such abuse to go unanswered. “Your husband considers me a better housekeeper and cook than you, Madam.”

    “I suppose my husband told you that?”

    “Yes, he did. And furthermore,” the angry maid continued, “I am better in bed than you!”

    “And I suppose my husband told you that, too?”

    “No, Madam,” said the maid. “The mailman did.”

  11. Ted B. (Charging Rhino) says

    February 15, 2018 at 3:18 am - February 15, 2018

    Speaking of Druish, did anyone notice that gay icon, ex-baseballer and coconut oil solitaire devotee Gab Kapler is the hunky new manager of the Phillies? . . .D.I.L.F !!

  12. Ted B. (Charging Rhino) says

    February 15, 2018 at 11:10 am - February 15, 2018

    Canola
    is Rape.

  13. TheQuietMan says

    February 15, 2018 at 10:47 pm - February 15, 2018

    Ted B. (#12) Excellent! ROTFL

  14. RSG says

    February 16, 2018 at 9:31 am - February 16, 2018

    Canola
    is Rape.

    Duh…it’s right in the name of the plant!

  15. Ignatius says

    February 16, 2018 at 12:12 pm - February 16, 2018

    Only if it doesn’t involve Mazola.

  16. Cyril J. says

    February 16, 2018 at 4:37 pm - February 16, 2018

    @15 On the other hand, Nutella somehow prevents rape…

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3960366/Migrants-burned-refugee-centre-causing-10-million-damage-wasn-t-Nutella-Gummibears-chocolate-German-Red-Cross-worker-reveals.html

    … only at the cost of burning its avid consumerrefugee centers to the ground.

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