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  1. Nicely said Daniel. It’s a shame many of us go from one form of loneliness to another.

    Comment by Deki — April 9, 2012 @ 3:18 am - April 9, 2012

  2. I just wanted to add that there needs to be better ‘role models’, particularly ones that are anything but the stereotypes you’d see on TV or in some pride march. I remember as a teenager I was eager to watch an episode of Queer as Folk, and when I finally did I was very disappointed. I wonder how many others like me went through a similar experience and ended up blending in with the mainstream gay community.

    Thanks for the support.

    Comment by Deki — April 9, 2012 @ 6:20 am - April 9, 2012

  3. I have seen this need in my straight friends as well as in my gay ones. I believe that it is an innate desire to be a part of a family.

    I started paying attention to this when one of my straight friends, who is an avowed bachelor(“bros forever” type), started getting really clinging to his friends. He would always try to organize social outings and push people to “hang out” almost every night. He would then get disappointed when people would refuse his invitations, regardless of the reason.

    I observe this same sort of behavior from my gay friends, a needing to be around people, a need to have a core group to belong to. Especially the single gay friends who are in their late 20s and early 30s.

    So it seems to me – my experiences being admittedly anecdotal – that this is a human need and the results of not fulfilling it can vary depending on if you are gay or straight.

    Comment by Jeremy — April 9, 2012 @ 10:10 am - April 9, 2012

  4. Stunning piece of work. You accurately touch upon the gay males experience of always needing acceptance yet being a recluse so as not to be wounded. Many gays do have addictive personalities and social media has made it too easy for us to hookup and/or let’s us not bother getting to know other people with their foibles.

    I have found that it’s much easier to love someone from the inside out as peccadilloes never come into play. I never have to accept the way they walk or talk and I never know if they have social graces or good kissing skills. We stay in our bubbles and dream of the men we want and yet we expect them to come beating down our doors as we stay inside making our loneliness perpetual.

    I moved to a small town a few years ago and long to be back in the city. Gay men need to be in cities where they have a chance of meeting someone as they walk their dogs, eat their lunches and work. We can fight off our loneliness by being the extraordinary people we were designed to be and by interacting with real physical beings but in the meantime I will be chatting with guys from miles and miles away hoping to somehow make that true connection.

    Comment by Jeff King — April 9, 2012 @ 10:10 am - April 9, 2012

  5. By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond the winning. Lao Tzu

    Comment by rusty — April 9, 2012 @ 11:48 am - April 9, 2012

  6. http://www.purposefairy.com/3308/15-things-you-should-give-up-in-order-to-be-happy/

    Comment by rusty — April 9, 2012 @ 12:21 pm - April 9, 2012

  7. Lonelyness is a mental attutude not physical. I knew a girl in Alaska who had been born and raised in New York City. She said, ” I would never go back there to live. It is the lonest place in the world”.

    Also I knew a gentle man who came to Alaska back in the Gold Rush days. He had couple engineering drgrees from colleges. He stayed in Alaska and homesteaded on a river over a 100 miles from any town or village. His nearest neighbor was the Shellenbargers who lived 10 miles down the river. When this gentleman reached 80 years old Mrs. Shellenbarger sugfest that he shou;d go in and live in Anchorage. It made him so made that he would not talk to her for months.

    I myself have never been lonely even though I have been all by myself for 8 and more days when I drove the Alaskan Highway and when I flew to Alaska. The closest I have to being lonely is when I am with a bunch of people and I have no interest in their conversation. Thank goodness that I am not the tipe that get lonely because after the DMV took my drivers license away account of age here I sit with only my computer for company.

    Comment by John R — April 9, 2012 @ 1:26 pm - April 9, 2012

  8. I am fortunate to have been in a relationship for 30 years. We live in a small town but close to the largest city in the state. I have no gay friends, not one. I work for a very small company (my boss and I). Therefore, the possibility of “randomly” meeting other gay people is slim to say the least. My partner and I have tried various social media to try and meet other gay people. This is what happens : We meet another couple. They are either a) so inactive that there is nothing in common b) so dysfunctional that they are not fun to be around c) they are looking for group sex. We meet a single gay guy. This is what happens : a) they want to meet all of our single gay friends b) they crush on one of us.

    There are plenty of lonely straight people. The reasons for the loneliness may be a bit different but the results are the same. One of the issues I have with the current SSM “push” is the gay left seems to be putting the cart before the horse. If gay people are not allowed to date as teenagers, how are we going to be prepared to marry as adults?

    I did an experiment on Craig’s List several times. I posted an ad for sex and an ad for friendship with the same basic information. Can you guess what happened?

    Comment by TnnsNE1 — April 9, 2012 @ 2:30 pm - April 9, 2012

  9. I did an experiment on Craig’s List several times. I posted an ad for sex and an ad for friendship with the same basic information. Can you guess what happened?

    You got a proposition from Little Fruit?

    (Sorry, couldn’t resist.)

    Comment by The Livewire — April 9, 2012 @ 3:02 pm - April 9, 2012

  10. #9.. worse, I got replies from Levi.

    Comment by TnnsNE1 — April 9, 2012 @ 3:44 pm - April 9, 2012

  11. Many gays tend to isolate themselves from church and family; which are the main sources of stable, long-term human relationships.

    Comment by V the K — April 9, 2012 @ 6:54 pm - April 9, 2012

  12. V the K, in many cases, it’s a chicken and egg argument. Many, out of principle (or other reasons) will not want to continue to have a relationship in which they are not afforded the same respect that others have, even when initially returning the same.

    TnnsNE1, excellent points. I made the point that it would be better when we reach the point that our gay teens our treated the same way and with the same expectations as their straight siblings, except that when it comes to the gender for dating, relationships, and marriage. I do not expect sexual promiscuity to magically disappear if this happens, but at least this will give gay persons the same opportunity as straight persons to form stable relationships.

    As to the query in your third paragraph, I’m going out on a limb and guess that you got many more responses when it was for sex. One reason for this is when loneliness reigns, many go for short term intimacy than try for long term. Of course, this just perpetuates loneliness.

    Rusty, excellent link. I actually do pretty good with giving up the things in the list. I sometimes have a hard time dealing with people who can’t or won’t give up many of the things on the list. Maybe it’s number 3 I have to work on.

    Comment by Pat — April 9, 2012 @ 7:59 pm - April 9, 2012

  13. Thx Pat, this article is a tad bit long but I think that is good.

    http://www.danoah.com/2011/11/im-christian-unless-youre-gay.html

    A freind from high school who was a tad bit of a bully has reconnected with me after having his middle child came out while entering his senior year. A sibling outed het at school

    Comment by rusty — April 9, 2012 @ 9:15 pm - April 9, 2012

  14. TrnnsNE1: “I did an experiment on Craig’s List several times. I posted an ad for sex and an ad for friendship with the same basic information. Can you guess what happened?”

    Let me guess, you pissed off a lot of folks after they found out that you were using them for your own experiments!

    Comment by Charles — April 9, 2012 @ 9:34 pm - April 9, 2012

  15. Well played at #10. Well played.

    Comment by The Livewire — April 10, 2012 @ 7:54 am - April 10, 2012

  16. #14.. No one responded appropriately to the ads for friendship. I simply ignored the responses from the sex ad. If you get offended by sex ads on Craig’s List, you are a sorry soul.

    Comment by TnnsNE1 — April 10, 2012 @ 9:52 am - April 10, 2012

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