Men are not women.
Let that sink in, because there are a lot of feminists and Pajamaboy Gamma Males that don’t get that. One of them is Lisa Wade of Salon. (Ms Wade is also a is a professor of sociology at Occidental College, the institution of higher learning that Barack Obama may have attended, although there is no available public documentation to confirm it). Ms Wade thinks men need to have more friends that they can share their feelers with, because men will be happier if they act like women, so goes what passes for feminist logic.
“To be close friends, men need to be willing to confess their insecurities, be kind to others, have empathy and sometimes sacrifice their own self-interest,” Wade says.
Bill Cosby addressed this very issue in his Thanksgiving Comedy Central special this year. His car broke down at 2:45 a.m. while returning home from a trip. He called two people: his friiieeend Ed and his wife. Mrs. Cosby shared her insecurities about Mr. Cosby’s substandard auto maintenance. Ed hopped in his car.
Wade laments that men talk about things, rather than feelings. But it’s not just talk—we do things for one another. Men don’t demonstrate the strength of their bond by saying, “I consider you an intimate friend,” though that may be enough for women. They hop in their cars. The act itself is the expression of friendship, just as the salute conveys respect of rank in the military without verbal confirmation that a superior officer is present.
It doesn’t occur to Ms. Wade that men don’t form friendships so we can bond emotionally with each other, men form friendships so we can do things together … hunt, fish, build catapults, game, play hockey … and we bond over that. We don’t bond over crying about how our women don’t understand us.
I had a girlfriend in college who chastised me because when she came to me with her problems, I actually wanted to fix them, when all she really wanted was for me to commisserate with her. Like most men, I’m just not wired that way. I want problems to be fixed so I don’t have to deal with them any more, and just talking about how I “feel” about them doesn’t accomplish that.
Long story short: Men don’t need to be more like women, we need to be more like men.