So, there’s this woman, you see, and her name is Lena Dunham. She is the offspring of two New York Trustafarians who thought of themselves as artists. (Her dad liked to paint gross pictures of hairy ladyparts.) In her autobiography, she joyfully recounts sexually molesting her younger sister, and when Republican-bashing and fake-rape-claims became trendy, she obligingly claimed  a ‘college Republican’ raped her when she was in college. (This claim, of course, was false.)  Naturally, she has become a left-wing feminist icon because insecure unattractive women telling outrageous lies to bash men is what feminism is all about these days.

Anyway, so, this Lena Dunham person was at some gala. (Aside: I have never in my entire life been to a ‘gala.’ But every time I read about one, they sound just terrible. I think gala must be a word meaning ‘An event where terrible people go to look at each other.’)  And she was seated across from Odell Beckham who plays football — the real kind, not European Metric Kickball. And she apparently was distressed because Mr. Beckham displayed no interest in the dumpy feminist in the tuxedo sitting across from him.

I was sitting next to Odell Beckham Jr., and it was so amazing because it was like he looked at me and he determined I was not the shape of a woman by his standards. He was like, “That’s a marshmallow. That’s a child. That’s a dog.” It wasn’t mean—he just seemed confused.

I don’t think that’s a fair comparison; people actually like children, dogs, and marshmallows.

(Aside: I think Mr. Beckham was being most polite under the circumstances. Most normal people, upon finding themselves seated across from Ms. Dunham, would suddenly remember that they had promised to pick up their best friend at the airport and drive her to a hospital because of a family emergency involving the babysitters curfew.)

Anyway, Lena Dunham decided to have a bitchfest about the incident with fellow chubby feminist, the unfunny vagina-comedian Amy Schumer. Who gave her what I guess is the best chubby-feminist-to-chubby-feminist compliment she could manage.

You were dressed like a boy, and you looked sexy, and I really appreciated you showing me your tits several times.

I think she stole that line from the note Barack Obama passed to the Danish Prime Minister after Nelson Mandela’s funeral.

So, that’s pretty much the story, and if it seems like a pointless waste of time… yeah, it is.

BTW, Slate seems to think that if a black football player isn’t hitting on a chubby white feminist, he must be gay.  Yeah, that’s got to be it.

Some guy wrote a column in Medium claiming the sitcom ‘Friends’ brought about the downfall of our civilization: Because the smart character (Ross) was – on every episode – the object of ridicule by the dumb, pretty, hip characters (everyone else) and set the tone of our culture ever since.

He has a point.

A left-wing junior college professor suggested that the anti-gun left should get together, storm NRA headquarters, and “leave no survivors.” He now says it was a just a joke and only stupid people would think it wasn’t.

“It was suppose to be a joke, folks. I really do think that Facebook needs something like a “sarcasm punctuation mark.” The less literate among us don’t seem to recognize humor when they see it.”

It’s really a bit scary how often leftist “humor” involves acts of horrific violence against an opponent. When Sandra Bernhardt suggested Sarah Palin should be gang-raped… “just a joke.” Chris Matthews fantasizing about blowing up Rush Limbaugh with a “big CO2 pellet”… “just kidding.” Dan Savage wishing that all Republicans would just drop dead… “just a joke and besides I’d been drinking.”

Is there something messed up about people who think violent threats against people who disagree with them are the height of wit?

‘House Hunters’ is a fake reality TV show on HGTV where couples pretend to shop for houses, awkwardly act out scenes where they pretend to choose a house, and then at the end of the episode stand on a balcony drinking wine/have guests over for a staged dinner party. It’s like the ‘CSI’ of HGTV, with like 12 or 15 different minor variations. ‘HouseHunters International’ ‘HouseHunters Renovation,’ ‘HouseHunters Sharia’ (that would be a good one, yes?).

It blows my mind that people in Los Angeles will pay north of a half million dollars for an old rundown bungalow. We bought a big historic church for less than a quarter million. When we were house-hunting (which we actually weren’t, the church was just an opportunity that popped up), we had just a few practical ideas; affordability, suitability, convenience to work, quality neighborhood.

The people on HouseHunters are either insane or coached to be insane because that’s good TV. There was one gay couple who demanded that the house had to have a grand staircase so that in case they adopted a child they could one day pose the child for prom pictures in front of the damn staircase. There was a woman in Boston who wouldn’t look at a house more than ten years old because she was convinced it would have ghosts. At the end of the show, she walked around the house performing a cleansing ritual that involved burning incense and chanting against the spirits that might dwell in the house. (What do you wanna bet she thinks southern Christians are weirdoes?)

The husbands on these shows are like nebbish Republicans. Their main concern is staying within budget, and they have a pretty short list of practical wants. Their princess wives are like Democrats; they have to have a particular style, they have to have crown molding, they have to have stainless steel kitchen appliances, they have to have granite countertops, they have to have a formal dining room, and damn the expense, they’re going to get it. Nine times out of ten, the husbands cave to the wives and go way over budget so that the wife can get her gawdam crown molding. “The important thing is she’s happy,” they say at the end of the show behind the kind of forced smiles you see on Congressional Republicans and other hostages. And then the wife always says something like, “I didn’t get everything I wanted, but we can always upgrade,” and then she cackles like Nancy Pelosi.

The Coalition of the Self-Righteously Aggrieved is demanding that Captain America be a gay man, and James Bond be a woman.  And, of course, Ghostbusters has been rebooted with an all-feminist “Grrl Power” cast. (And, apparently, it sucks.)

This is a recurring theme among the social justice left. Instead of creating their own organization for pale young boys, they insist on taking over the Boy Scouts. Instead of creating new woman heroes, or gay heroes, or hijra-genderqueer-two-spirit heroes… they want to take over something that was created by someone else.

Lame.

Why is the Social Justice Warrior imagination so incredibly stunted that it cannot even imagine imagining its own new things? Why can it only imagine old things, given a new racial or sexual make-over?

Why are they altogether incapable of any kind of creative or productive thought whatsoever?

Oh that’s right: Because these are stupid, useless, trivially-minded people.

On a related note, is it too soon for the Socialist Juicebox Wankers to begin attacking the new Star Trek movie as racist? I mean, the villain is a black guy. And the hero is a white woman. A very, VERY white woman.

I mean, like, if she were any whiter, she could be an editor at the Huffington Post.

Chinese “Year of the Monkey” poster or conceptual title art for Alan Ball’s new HBO series. You tell me.

1. I am almost sure these 1970′s PSA’s marked the beginning of ‘Special Snowflake’ culture.
2. A PSA where a throbbing orb comes into a little girl’s bedroom at night to teach her about touching things. In particular, “smooth” and “soft” things. And she concludes that the best things to touch are… I won’t spoil it.

Was everybody in the 1970′s on acid?

In news we don’t actually care about, but is moderately entertaining:

Caitlyn Jenner is done dating women.

In the season 2 trailer for “I Am Cait” she flat out says it … “To be honest I don’t see myself dating women in the future.”

Pretty sure this is just a publicity stunt for that reality show. This question may sound snarky, but it’s actually serious: Does the dating pool for this sixty-something trainwreck include anyone who isn’t a gold-digger or a fame-whore?

The nice thing is that we won’t have to rely on conjecture. Because the media will make sure we’re kept up-to-date on EVERY.FREAKING.DETAIL.

David Bowie, dead at 69.

Keith Richards, still alive.

How does that work again?

For those who believe these deaths happen in threes… Natalie Cole and Lemmy.

Instead of some PC bullshirt about “Oh, I would pay off my parents’ mortgage and start a charity so that underprivileged children with autism could swim with the dolphins,” this guy gives a much more honest and realistic answer to the question of “What would you do if you won the Powerball?”

That is, apparently, what real Powerball winners actually do.

Also, the reporter seems to have the IQ of a small appliance bulb. “Why is the jackpot so big? Because no one has won it.”

With insight like that, she’ll be covering the White House for CNN afore too long.

Y’ever think about what you would do if you won a big jackpot? All I know for sure is I would never, ever tell anyone.

The President of Oklahoma Wesleyan University has struck back at the mewling cry-bully college children, and their simpering demands for safe spaces and trigger warnings.

At OKWU, we teach you to be selfless rather than self-centered. We are more interested in you practicing personal forgiveness than political revenge. We want you to model interpersonal reconciliation rather than foment personal conflict. We believe the content of your character is more important than the color of your skin. We don’t believe that you have been victimized every time you feel guilty and we don’t issue “trigger warnings” before altar calls.

“This is not a day care,” Piper concluded. “This is a university!”

I wish more people would deal with the Social Justice Warriors and spoiled Special Snowflakes of the left the way Gordon Ramsay deals with bitch-customers.

This might be satire, but satire looks an awful lot like stuff Progressives actually believe, these days. Apparently, the Eighties-Era John Hughes movie “Sixteen Candles” is racist and promotes date rape. Thus, it must be censored and banned.

The racism and sexism in Hughes’ movie is so over-the-top I have to hope any teens watching it today would view it as a shocking, old-timey artifact. Perhaps most glaringly, there’s Long Duk Dong (Gedde Watanabe), the Chinese foreign exchange student whose every mention is accompanied by the sound of a gong.

I stand by my prediction that a day will come when all pre-Obama film and television will be censored and banned as “culturally insensitive” and subversive. Here’s a few other things that might be banned.

• Some Like It Hot -Classic Comedy, offensive to transgendereds, celebrates alcohol abuse, depicts violent gun play, and furthers the patriarchal narrative that women want to get married to men.
• The Wizard of Oz - Offensively and derisively portrays little people and Wiccan-Americans.
• Seven Samurai and all other Akira Kurosawa films – Because they encourage other directors to culturally appropriate them.
• ‘Roots’ – Depictions of slavery may be traumatic or trigeering to African-Americans
• Bosom Buddies - Tom Hanks small screen debut is offensive to the transgendereds.
• Die Hard - Promotes the offensive ‘Good Guy with a Gun’ myth that liberals despise; also portrays Government authority figures as less competent than individuals with initiative.
• All episodes of M*A*S*H - Hawkeye was a serial sexual harasser, the show portrays Asians as violent people who don’t speak English very well, depicts Middle-Eastern transvestites as mentally unstable and dishonest, and to cap it all off, early seasons featured an African-American character called ‘Spear-Chucker.”
• Also, White Chicks, for reasons that should be obvious.

CBS is launching a new Star Trek series in 2017, which they promise will be “exploring the dramatic contemporary themes that have been a signature of the franchise since its inception in 1966.”

Oy vey.

Let’s face it, many of the worst Star Trek episodes ever were when they took on contemporary social issues. Frank Gorshin made up like a black-and-white cookie to ham-fist the point that “Racism is bad” in the original Star Trek, for example. Or on Star Trek: The Next Generation, when — in a tortured analogy to Global Warming – Star Fleet ordered its starships to slow down because Warp Speed was destroying the universe. By the end of Star Trek: Voyager, things had gotten so silly that we were treated to multiple episodes demanding equal rights for holograms; that’s akin to saying the characters of ‘Hogan’s Heroes’ and ‘The Brady Bunch’ should be treated like real people and given voting rights.

Sometimes, the social justice episodes were so inept, they ended making the opposite of the point they intended. The Next Generation’s single most boringest episode ever, “The Outcast“, was an hour-long lecture on LGBT issues, that, oddly enough, ended with the “homosexual” alien being cured through psychological treatment. A similar misfire was Voyager’s single-payer health care propaganda piece, “Critical Care,” in which a state-run medical system gave the rich and elite top-shelf treatment while letting the poor suffer and die. This was supposed to get us to embrace Hillarycare?

Of course, it’s a new era, now. So, I guess, we can look forward (teeth-gritted, stomach knotted) to new Star Trek episodes taking on contemporary 21st Century social issues (ripped from the headlines, like ‘Law and Order’).

• Tired of being beamed into dangerous situations  as decoys for the senior officers, the crew of the Enterprise forms a #RedShirtLivesMatter movement and burns down major parts of the ship in protest.
• The New Transgender Commandant decides to take on the Rape Culture at Star Fleet Academy by having all male cadets implanted with devices in their heads that explode unless they ask for consent every two minutes. Feminists are still not happy.
• A Bajoran refuses to make a Rokeg Blood Pie for use in a Klingon ritual, citing deeply held religious beliefs. His business is confiscated and he is sentenced to re-education treatments to cure his intolerance. Finally, to appease the outraged Klingons, he is eaten alive by Tribbles.
• The Federation enters into a ill-advised Treaty to appease a hostile alien species, conceding them virtually everything they want in order to secure peace. The Treaty ultimately emboldens the enemy leading to the most destructive war in Federation History. Oh, wait, they already did that.

Maybe the New Star Trek series will be okay. If they use the cast from Firefly. And set it in the Firefly universe, and hire the writers from Firefly. And call it ‘Firefly.’

Didn’t think this was a big deal when I saw it, but it’s all over the interwebs. Therefore, I conclude it is a thing.

WARNING: Heteronormative Microaggression Triggers.

First, CBS created a program whose heroine is a female Secretary of State, just as a Democrat former Secretary of State starts running for president. Coincidence, yeah, sure.

Now, NBC is reportedly developing a TV series based on Democrat Heroine/Abortion-fanatic/failed Democrat candidate for Governor of Texas Wendy Davis.

Written by Jennifer Cecil, the untitled project centers on a female Democratic senator who, after losing the Texas governor’s race, gets her world turned upside down. In the vein of The Good Wife, while she pieces her pride back together, she goes to work in the law firm of her best friend — a black male Republican — and discovers that with no political future to protect, she can unshackle her inner badass.

Waylon Smithers is gay.

Apparently, this is supposed to be a big deal. But I feel more like…

(more…)

NASA announced today that they found liquid water on Mars. Now, I can’t get this out of my head.

In a culture that is driven by make-believe (“Caitlyn Jenner is a woman!” “Hands Up, Don’t Shoot!” “Republicans are conservative.”), it’s only natural that the break-up of two make-believe characters would be treated like an actual news story.

A story in People magazine had said Kermit the Frog wasted no time moving on from his breakup with longtime girlfriend Miss Piggy and was now dating an ABC marketer named Denise.

Not true, says Kermit. They’re just “friends.”

Let’s be honest, Miss Piggy has always been completely self-centered, high-maintenance, manipulative, and at times downright abusive; a typical 21st Century feminist. That’s probably why the feminists gave her an award. She openly flirts with other men in front of him and just expects Kermit to take it.

And basically, Kermit got tired of dealing with her sh-t.

Kind of plays into the social zeitgeist, or whatever. “Empowered” women have become so unbearable that men are not just fleeing marriage, but relationships with women entirely.

At the end of the day, Kermit and Miss Piggy are inanimate pieces of felt and stuffing. Pretending they are real people makes about as much sense as pretending Trayvon Martin was an innocent schoolboy gunned down by a white racist.

It is almost always gratifying to watch something that was hyped ridiculously go down in flames.

The Caitlyn Jenner reality series lost more than half of its premiere haul on Sunday night, per live-plus-same-day ratings. The episode averaged 1.3 million viewers, down from 2.7 million viewers the week prior.

America isn’t nearly as obsessed with transsexuals as transsexuals are obsessed with themselves.

When the controversy over the Confederate Battle Flag erupted (because somehow the CBF was implicated in the mass murder of nine people in a way the Koran is never), leftist apologists were declaring that, “This is only about taking that flag off Government buildings and putting it in a museum. No one is talking about banning the Confederate Flag.”

And then the Obama regime decided to remove the flag from museums, too.

And then the Confederate flag became the object of corporate censorship.

So, just like when they said they were not going to force conscientious objectors into participating in gay weddings, the left was lying.

But you want to know the real reason the rainbow brownshits want ‘The Dukes of Hazzard’ off the air? Because it isn’t about the CBF, it’s more about the show’s underlying message.

The Dukes were Southern ‘good ol’ boys,’ economically disadvantaged and disarmed by a corrupt state that deprived them of firearms. Yet. they stood up to, and repeatedly defeated, a greedy and corrupt state authority (Boss Hogg) who manipulated Law Enforcement (Sheriff Roscoe Coltrane) into an instrument of oppression against his opponents.

You can see why this is an unwelcome message in the age of Obama.