A left-wing site linked up to this amazing piece of drivel. It is allegedly the memoir of a drug-addicted teacher, but a teacher who somehow taught in a school system where every cliche of the social progressive left wandered into his classroom, where teachers and students were all caricatures, and no one spoke or behaved like a normal human.
The total douchebaggery of the author shines right through in every line, beginning with his assertions about what a totes awesome teacher he is despite taking Hunter S Thompson amounts of narcotics, which he justifies in prose worthy of Brian Griffin from ‘Family Guy.’ (And it’s even funnier if you read it Brian Griffin’s voice).
The school loved me. At first. My mentor teacher called me a natural, raving to administration about my abilities in the classroom. And he wasn’t wrong. Critical thinking and writing — these were essential skills to learn in each of my classes, in every assignment, a lesson carried over from my Wednesdays in Italy with Professor Firch. If you were good at memorizing names and dates, you were going to have a tough time in my class. You’d be better served finding a teacher who gave a shit about mindless busy work and points-based assignments.
Truth is, I put a lot of drugs into my body because I didn’t want to be sick and I didn’t know how to deal with a society whose secrets were somehow more acceptable than my own.
The title is also worthy of Brian Griffin, The Bitter Taste of Dying. Amazingly, in a single year of teaching, he managed to encounter every left-wing cliche and Glee subplot, including:
- The school district that refuses to pay teachers a “living wage” ($33K in this case) but has plenty of money for football.
- The gay kid who comes out to him because he’s the only teacher he can trust
- The high school girl who tearfully confesses she was raped, because he’s the only teacher she can trust
- The football player who confides that his friend is using heroin, because he’s the only teacher he can trust, but the administrators are totally indifferent to her and only care about football.
It’s all as hilariously improbable as Barack Obama getting into Columbia and Harvard on the basis of his grades. And I bet the left will eat it up. He may even get a movie deal out of it. I hope Tommy Wiseau directs.